Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

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Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 8:52 pm



The title screen isn't anything super bad, but it's definitely a bit racy, so I linked it just to be safe

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 8:56 pm

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So apart from being a blatant Harry Potter knock-off, the very first sentence is so poorly constructed that it actually implies something completely different from what was intended. What the writer clearly meant to say was "Students in this school are divided into four different wings", but what it sounds like is "There are four wings in this school, and the students in these wings are divided". Good fucking job!

I can tell the sentence was written this way to avoid a dangling preposition, but good god.

I also did a quick google, and the makers of this game are indeed American, so zero mercy for poor English skills!

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 8:57 pm

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Unfortunately, when you bear a mark, you are consequently not bare.

Where do all these writers who can't be assed to learn homonyms come from?

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 8:57 pm

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Flumahen = hummingbird = Hufflepuff

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 8:59 pm

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There's something not quite right about this bit that I can't quite put my finger on. The way it's presented is almost as if being assigned to this house wing makes you like this, rather than students with this predisposition are assigned here. It's almost as if it's prescriptive rather than descriptive.

This is probably going to be the most intellectual criticism of the game I will have.

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 8:59 pm

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Ursadale. Subtle.

Also, Griffyndor.

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:01 pm

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Performahead? That's a new one to me.

Also, "fellow peers" is a redundant phrase that's actually kind of stunned me in its novelty.

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:01 pm

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I've read what, maybe ten sentences, and I'm already fucking sick of this writing style.

Also, there's a missing apostrophe.

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:03 pm

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Jesus, they really did not fucking try with these house names, huh?

Anyways, I'm gonna guess that this is the stand-in for Ravenclaw. This is easy, since dolphins are known for two things: Being very sociable and very intelligent. Since the "friendly people" house has already been described, that leaves one thing.

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:04 pm

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ding ding ding and i win another shitty visual novel thread

And come on, I just said dolphins are known for being social animals. Couldn't you have picked an animal known for being intelligent and solitary?

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:05 pm

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"They're not socially active, unless they are."

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:06 pm

maybe they won't have the fourth house just be the evil one
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:06 pm

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oh my god just call them the evil ones you're not fooling fucking anybody

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:07 pm

spiders are good and so is purple so I think these are the protagonists
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:09 pm

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Okay, you know why there's so many Harry Potter fans who try to reinterpret Slytherin as anything other than a Saturday morning cartoon villain, despite the fact that JK Rowling made it very clear that they're one step removed from Nazis?

It's because even children can sense that the idea of "some people are just plain evil" is total bullshit. Tweens figured this out when they read Harry Potter, I figured it out reading Redwall books when I was eight years old.

This is a game ostensibly written for adults, because it has a patch for sex scenes. Yet here we are, with the writers still trying to peddle the "EVIL PEOPLE LOL" bullshit

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by West Filly (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:10 pm

OH BOY HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH ANOTHER SHITTY VN
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:10 pm

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Except that headstrong, driven, and passionate already described the bear house

Oh my god, the writer can't even keep tabs on shit this simple and we're still in the preamble

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:11 pm

"these ones are brave, these ones are friendly, these ones are smart, and these ones are JUDGMENTAL"

how does one not notice the whole "3 of them are all good things and one of them is bad things" and still treat it as though the houses are equal
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:11 pm

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YOU JUST SAID THEY'RE PASSIONATE THRILL SEEKERS ONE TEXT BOX AGO

HOW DO YOU CONTRADICT YOURSELF THIS QUICKLY

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by West Filly (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:12 pm

Passionate controlling calculated thrill seekers.

So, NASA?
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:13 pm

"in their eyes, power leads to supremacy and strength"

okay, what in what you told us before even comes close to leading to this sentence?? You were just saying they were determined and judgmental and narcissistic how does any of that equate to "strong is good and weak is bad"
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:13 pm

"they like to have control and be manipulative" that's not a character trait you doofus

Edit: you're smart, OR brave, OR friendly, otherwise you're a control freak. There are no other options.
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:13 pm

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What a horribly tortured way of saying "All students at this school are assigned to one of these four wings"

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by West Filly (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:14 pm

they could have just said "this house is evil poo poo heads" and saved a lot of words.
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:14 pm

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Ah yes, boarding school, that incredibly romantic place

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:15 pm

You just said that the 'evil' spider house (spiders aren't evil) had only bad traits what the the strengths you're talking about. Drive doesn't count because the bears already get that.
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:15 pm

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What reason is there to ever say "frigidly cold"

It's almost as if the adverb already implies the adjective

It's almost as if that adjective form of that adverb is more descriptive anyway

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:16 pm

this is the kind of person who thinks "frigidly" means "like a refrigerator"
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:16 pm

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Why is this line in italics but the previous one isn't? They're both very obviously internal monologue.

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by West Filly (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:17 pm

I hate how you have to reach over the marble counter to get to the hand dryer.

Also BIG URINALS
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:17 pm

well his letters got slanted from the pain, you see.
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:17 pm

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"Well, there's not going to be a world-ending villain in this game so we can't use the 'child of destiny' cliche, let's pull another one out of the hat"

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:18 pm

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I just want you all to know that I've posted every text box in this game so far, and this is the first one where I have no criticism, largely because it's only two words long

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:18 pm

why would you even do an amnesia thing after dumping all that lore on us. The point of amnesia openings is so you don't have to do the exposition and just have the player learn things with the character.
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by West Filly (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:18 pm

I just want to say that this room is fugly and needs to die.

Also the taps are dolphins. Does that imply house wing?
Last edited by West Filly on Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:19 pm

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Um, what?

This sure is a thing to start with.

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:19 pm

what
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:20 pm

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Well, it's good to know that the bully isn't doing this with telekinesis or something

Actually wait, this is Hogwarts, that could totally happen

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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by West Filly (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:20 pm

There's a horrible thing happening right now, but let's take a moment to appreciate the good grip this guy has. That's one hell of a grip.
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Re: Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Post by Fartlord Dunktronix (?) » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:21 pm

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Listen Mister Writer, I know "toilet soup" is your feeble attempt to be poetic, but toilet water is the same shit that comes out of a tap. It's fucking clean.

Unless the toilet has been used and not flushed, in which case this bullying has ascended to another level.

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