The Alliance Alive is a SaGa game made by sane people and is good

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:38 pm

"Hey I'm the guy who nearly ran you over. I hope you can trust me to pilot complicated machines alongside you in critical missions..."

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:39 pm

Come on, DO IT.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:40 pm

I can't tell if this was deliberately written to be ambiguous (i.e. if she's saying "forget it ever happened" or "forget your chances about joining our team") or if the writer just got super lucky

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:40 pm

I'm glad that in Visual Novel World, every male is completely incapable of reading social cues

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:41 pm

WE'RE MARRIED

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:42 pm

So is Shou gonna be even worse at socializing than us

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:43 pm

Man I've been asking the same damn question

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:44 pm

I suppose that's the best answer we could have hoped for.

By the way, the last time I did this, I wore the helmet, and sped off without helping her. If you do that, in this scene Kaori is trying to figure out who almost hit her, and if you fess up to it, she gets real mad and refuses to let you join the team. Who knows how the story actually plays out when that happens.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:45 pm

I'm pretty sure Shou's bro-ness is going to drive me insane by the end of this thread.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:46 pm

Not really! I've kind of had too much exposition already!

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:46 pm

Of course, this means that old team is gonna be our rivals, and we have to fight them in the final scene

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:47 pm

If Kaori wants to be a dating candidate, she's gonna need to do a better job of dunking on Shou than that

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:48 pm

So Shou and Kaori are long-time teammates, Mayu is a popular first year who joined because...

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:49 pm

Oh, that's why Mayu wasn't supposed to be a romance path. She was supposed to bone down with Shou.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:50 pm

Jake, I don't think the question is whether you can get along with her

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 4:51 pm

And Jake accepts the invitation, and then people spend like 10 text boxes saying goodbye, and then there's another 10 text boxes about Jake getting on his bike and riding home and then

oh god dammit, the plot roadblock just isn't gonna go away, is she

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 5:00 pm

Please no

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 7:40 pm

EAGLE mechs and creepy sisters, whoop whoop what a good time

RudeCyrus · Post by **RudeCyrus** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 8:26 pm

Jesus Christ, all amateur writers need to fucking read some guides, because they commit the same mistakes.

1. Cut adverbs.

2. Cut weak adjectives like "very" or "somewhat."

3. Cut any unnecessary words, scenes or actions.

Almost every sentence I've read in this VN (and others) could be rewritten to be much better. The characters and story would still suck, but at least it wouldn't be a chore to read.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 8:38 pm

RudeCyrus wrote: ↑
Sat May 05, 2018 8:26 pm
Jesus Christ, all amateur writers need to fucking read some guides, because they commit the same mistakes.

1. Cut adverbs.

2. Cut weak adjectives like "very" or "somewhat."

3. Cut any unnecessary words, scenes or actions.

Almost every sentence I've read in this VN (and others) could be rewritten to be much better. The characters and story would still suck, but at least it wouldn't be a chore to read.

Is my brain so damaged when I thought that the writing in this game wasn't abominably bad

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 9:22 pm

I'm glad that they had Shou invite us into a team with one empty space. I thought they were going to have us find or choose three people to form a new team, dragging us through each one of the characters individually. With the pace being how it is, can you blame me?

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Sat May 05, 2018 9:26 pm

Maybe I'm slow on the uptake here. It just occured to me that the parking permit / parking space issues were an attempt to foreshadow the issue you're about to have with finding a team.

It's super clever.

RudeCyrus wrote: ↑
Sat May 05, 2018 8:26 pm
Jesus Christ, all amateur writers need to fucking read some guides, because they commit the same mistakes.

1. Cut adverbs.

2. Cut weak adjectives like "very" or "somewhat."

3. Cut any unnecessary words, scenes or actions.

Almost every sentence I've read in this VN (and others) could be rewritten to be much better. The characters and story would still suck, but at least it wouldn't be a chore to read.

I'm not a writer but I need to apply this to my posting. Very guilty here.

Princess Flufflebutt · Post by **Princess Flufflebutt** (?) » Sun May 06, 2018 3:53 am

Fartlord Dunktronix wrote: ↑
Sat May 05, 2018 8:38 pm
Is my brain so damaged when I thought that the writing in this game wasn't abominably bad

It's what you get when you play bad VNs

Gloomy Rube · Post by **Gloomy Rube** (?) » Sun May 06, 2018 1:15 pm

Fartlord Dunktronix wrote: ↑
Fri May 04, 2018 8:37 pm

UNINSTALL

Me, before this point: I like how the little sister is actually getting a vaguely realistic relationship with the main character with all the teasing and being goofy at each other.

Me, now: what the poop is this poo poo

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 3:48 pm

Not willingly

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 3:49 pm

why

why do i have to sit through this

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 3:49 pm

Just call me Sherlock

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 3:53 pm

What is bolognese anyway

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 3:54 pm

Yes, there's going to be a whole dialogue about how we figured out pasta

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 4:00 pm

zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 4:01 pm

no she's not

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 4:02 pm

Look at all this effort that went into this boring thing

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 4:05 pm

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 4:08 pm

This is just going to keep dragging

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 4:12 pm

Why is it that the character we can't date gets like 100x characterization as everyone else

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 4:14 pm

"She can't hold back her smile"

god

please

just

ugh

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 4:15 pm

What are the chances that any of the dateable girls are this fleshed out?

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 4:16 pm

This spaghetti had better be important later.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 4:17 pm

WHY DOES THIS CHARACTER GET SO MUCH DETAIL

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Mon May 07, 2018 4:17 pm

OH MY GOD

WHO CARES