RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Skipper (?) » Wed Oct 16, 2019 3:21 am

Take care of yourself, Madeline! I hope you'll feel better soon. :hug:

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Wed Oct 16, 2019 10:07 am

You're loved and respected, Madeline, and you can always ask for reminders on that. :hug: Wishing you the best.
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed Oct 16, 2019 11:22 pm

I’m doing really bad. I don’t want to go back in the ward. Just staring at the ceiling, feeling the worst I’ve felt in years, and my appointments are weeks out so there isn’t anything I can do about it except follow a safety plan and be bored out of my skull.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Tue Oct 22, 2019 11:30 pm

Perpetual Motion wrote:
Mon Sep 16, 2019 1:08 am
Sometimes I wish my creative drive would just die already. Wanting to create but not being able to due to a combination of both physical and mental health problems is either a huge contributor to my depression, or some sort of awful co-equal source of agony. I'll never be able to do more than that short story I did months ago (which wasn't any good, anyway). All I can do is leave half-finished and orphaned projects in my wake.
Coming in a month late, but I understand this feeling. It’s discouraging to know there’s no project I can keep for more than ~3 weeks because depression/laziness/discouragement will inevitably derail it.

I’ve actively smothered my creative drive these past few years, which I think is good — not starting projects I know I won’t finish, just one more thing for the failure pile — but it’s also true for non-creative projects like exercise plans or hobbies.

Right now I’ve got a list of back exercises I’m supposed to be doing for my physical therapist (well, I mean, for my benefit obviously, but he’s the guy who made the list) and literally all evening to do them, and I just can’t — I’m paralyzed with the futility of it all, already seeing the future from experience, knowing I won’t keep up with the exercises long-term and sooner or later I’ll be doing this dance all over again, repeat for the next 4 or 5 decades.

I guess I might as well go through the motions, at least, since I have literally nothing better to do with my time, but that’s all it will be: going through the motions to make the time pass. That’s how I feel tonight, anyway.

I’d share some advice, Perpetual, but I’m afraid all I have to offer is a bit of understanding.
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:28 am

And for what it’s worth, I too had acid reflux, and was diagnosed with a hiatal hernia, when I was about your age. It eventually went away on its own.

Sometimes, when you least expect it, and when you feel least deserving of it, things get better. It’s freaky but it happens.


(e: yes I am aware of the contradictory emotions of this post and the previous, Mechanical Ape’s troublesome brain is a land of contrasts)
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Skipper (?) » Wed Oct 23, 2019 2:58 am

Mechanical Ape wrote:
Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:28 am
(e: yes I am aware of the contradictory emotions of this post and the previous, Mechanical Ape’s troublesome brain is a land of contrasts)
Oh boy, do I know what that's like. I have the same thing; I tend to sometimes even change perspective mid-sentence.

My head feels so full sometimes, it's hard to find myself in there. :-I

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 3:19 am

I’m doing super bad and my psych appointment isn’t until Nov 5th.

I don’t know how I’m going to make it. I’m trying but things just seem so hard right now. I could use some kind words.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 3:32 am

Madeline wrote:
Fri Oct 25, 2019 3:19 am
I’m doing super bad and my psych appointment isn’t until Nov 5th.

I don’t know how I’m going to make it. I’m trying but things just seem so hard right now. I could use some kind words.
Sorry you're having a hard time now.

You're always a pleasure to be around in this parts and I wish you the best, Madeline :hug:

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 3:50 am

Thank you :flutterunsmith:

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 4:23 am

Madeline wrote:
Fri Oct 25, 2019 3:19 am
I’m doing super bad and my psych appointment isn’t until Nov 5th.

I don’t know how I’m going to make it. I’m trying but things just seem so hard right now. I could use some kind words.
I'm just barely coming out of a really, really long and bad patch myself. You try and try and get nothing done, and eventually that degrades to just thinking about trying, but not being able to muster the will for even that. You know what does happen when you do nothing, though? Time passes. This is actually a big deal, because this way you're feeling right now? The pit of despair that saps your will? You'll climb out of it naturally, given time. You probably won't make it all the way out, not without a lot of help, but even our worst mental states are constantly in flux, like the tides or waves on the ocean. If you can hold tight, which takes hardly any effort or action at all, then the worst will pass. So don't worry about not being able to do things, because you're alive! You've got the hard part down pat, no problem! Just make sure to eat food and drink water when you get the opportunity. Get out of bed for a bit each day if you can, but it's no big deal if you can't.

Just hold. Relax. Meditate, if you feel like it. You may feel trapped in your own mind, but your mind is also trapped in there with you. Your soul, your will, whatever you want to call it, can weather any storm. It may draw into itself for protection when things get tough, but that inner shell is indestructible. Depression and despair? They infect the mindscape, like a disease, but they also bleed. They can be poked, prodded, annoyed, and made to retreat. Even a simple "Yeah, so?" is a powerful weapon, and luckily for you, indifference is something someone suffering from depression usually has plenty of. You're not obligated to care about things at any given point of time. Caring takes effort, and can be stopped and resumed at no cost whatsoever. Don't worry about not caring about things right now, you can always care again later. So, knowing that, why care at all about the lies depression is using to attack you? It tries to tell you you're worthless? So what? Even if it were true, which is quite a stretch, a true measurement of worth has no bearing on whether or not something can exist or be important.

There are an infinite amount of worthless things in the universe that will continue to exist just fine until the end of time, and event then, their state of worthlessness is 100% transient! Something instantly gains worth the moment a thinking mind finds value in it, even if said mind doesn't consciously realize it. Do you have a pet? A family member? A friend? Do they benefit in any way from your existence, even if it's just a kind word or a pat on the head every now and then? Then I can guarantee you that you have worth. If you were to cease existing, then someone's life would be objectively worse. Even if you can't think of anyone who values you (which can even include yourself!), and you're convinced that even the people you haven't thought of don't value you, you still deserve to exist. This is because of one simple fact: potential. Even that dull star at the far end of the galaxy that no living being even knows exists can give someone joy when it is eventually discovered. You're the same way! Every moment in a life is an opportunity for that discovery to happen, for said life to make a positive impact in some way. The potential of future worth is just as important as past and present worth. Even if all of your present worth were to vanish in an instant (an incredible feat, by the way), then your life would still be worth living, because that could change in an instant the moment you interact with the world in the smallest of ways. To deny those possibilities willingly would be no different than depriving the world of something's present worth, i.e. completely horrible and a massive loss to the world at large.

In summary:

1) You are not alone.

2) Time always passes, and so will this bad stretch.

3) Do what little things you can, when you can.

3a) That includes fighting back.

4) You are not obligated to care about things, most especially your own negative thoughts.

5) You will almost always have worth, and worth is easy to gain.

6) The future matters and is worth reaching, no matter how bleak the present may seem.

The conclusion is simple: You are awesome and you will get better and we are here to help for as long as you'll have us. :flutterunsmith:

————

Sorry for the big long rant and ramble. I'm telling myself all this as much as I'm telling you. I hope this helps.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 4:27 am

Perpetual Motion wrote:
Fri Oct 25, 2019 4:23 am
I'm just barely coming out of a really, really long and bad patch myself. You try and try and get nothing done, and eventually that degrades to just thinking about trying, but not being able to muster the will for even that. You know what does happen when you do nothing, though? Time passes. This is actually a big deal, because this way you're feeling right now? The pit of despair that saps your will? You'll climb out of it naturally, given time. You probably won't make it all the way out, not without a lot of help, but even our worst mental states are constantly in flux, like the tides or waves on the ocean. If you can hold tight, which takes hardly any effort or action at all, then the worst will pass. So don't worry about not being able to do things, because you're alive! You've got the hard part down pat, no problem! Just make sure to eat food and drink water when you get the opportunity. Get out of bed for a bit each day if you can, but it's no big deal if you can't.

Just hold. Relax. Meditate, if you feel like it. You may feel trapped in your own mind, but your mind is also trapped in there with you. Your soul, your will, whatever you want to call it, can weather any storm. It may draw into itself for protection when things get tough, but that inner shell is indestructible. Depression and despair? They infect the mindscape, like a disease, but they also bleed. They can be poked, prodded, annoyed, and made to retreat. Even a simple "Yeah, so?" is a powerful weapon, and luckily for you, indifference is something someone suffering from depression usually has plenty of. You're not obligated to care about things at any given point of time. Caring takes effort, and can be stopped and resumed at no cost whatsoever. Don't worry about not caring about things right now, you can always care again later. So, knowing that, why care at all about the lies depression is using to attack you? It tries to tell you you're worthless? So what? Even if it were true, which is quite a stretch, a true measurement of worth has no bearing on whether or not something can exist or be important.

There are an infinite amount of worthless things in the universe that will continue to exist just fine until the end of time, and event then, their state of worthlessness is 100% transient! Something instantly gains worth the moment a thinking mind finds value in it, even if said mind doesn't consciously realize it. Do you have a pet? A family member? A friend? Do they benefit in any way from your existence, even if it's just a kind word or a pat on the head every now and then? Then I can guarantee you that you have worth. If you were to cease existing, then someone's life would be objectively worse. Even if you can't think of anyone who values you (which can even include yourself!), and you're convinced that even the people you haven't thought of don't value you, you still deserve to exist. This is because of one simple fact: potential. Even that dull star at the far end of the galaxy that no living being even knows exists can give someone joy when it is eventually discovered. You're the same way! Every moment in a life is an opportunity for that discovery to happen, for said life to make a positive impact in some way. The potential of future worth is just as important as past and present worth. Even if all of your present worth were to vanish in an instant (an incredible feat, by the way), then your life would still be worth living, because that could change in an instant the moment you interact with the world in the smallest of ways. To deny those possibilities willingly would be no different than depriving the world of something's present worth, i.e. completely horrible and a massive loss to the world at large.

In summary:

1) You are not alone.

2) Time always passes, and so will this bad stretch.

3) Do what little things you can, when you can.

3a) That includes fighting back.

4) You are not obligated to care about things, most especially your own negative thoughts.

5) You will almost always have worth, and worth is easy to gain.

6) The future matters and is worth reaching, no matter how bleak the present may seem.

The conclusion is simple: You are awesome and you will get better and we are here to help for as long as you'll have us. :flutterunsmith:

————

Sorry for the big long rant and ramble. I'm telling myself all this as much as I'm telling you. I hope this helps.
It sure does help. You just made me cry (but I’m a good way).

PM, you are a good person. You are also a damn good writer. Never let your brain tell you otherwise.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 8:27 am

That's a super excellent post, PM. Thank you for making it. :flutterunsmith:

Sending lots of good vibes to you both, PM and Madeline. You're both hella good, lovely people and you deserve way more kindness and credit than you are awarding yourselves.
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Smoke (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 2:05 pm

Not sure if I should post here or in Pony Joe's, but I'm starting to have some issues again that I hoped would be gone by now. For the past few weeks I've been having sleep issues: Both insomnia and being exhausted during the day, at some points wondering how I was able to drive back home and not cause any accidents. I've had this issue before in the past, and it seems I'm suffering from burnout symptoms. Got a meeting with the project manager at work monday to see what we can do to fix this, he's open to listening and finding a solution as not having me around would have quite an impact at work.

Which is what I think is the root cause of it: I'm a pretty important part of the project considering I have a fuckton of knowledge about the systems and procedures, so everyone tends to go to me for help if they can, even if I'm working on other tasks at the time. This leads to just a bunch of minor annoyances. I've done my best to share my knowledge and skills as I've pretty much singlehandedly set up a knowledge base that's used by everyone every single day, but still rather than looking something up or trying to find a solution themselves a lot of colleagues are taking the easy step of just asking me. I also try to use these moments to teach, but it doesn't always work.

Along with that, there are a few people who do the exact opposite: Instead of asking they just try themselves and make mistakes, which leads to negative feedback from our client, which then has to be followed up on again, and which doesn't help for some of them as they continue to make the same mistakes. Hell, one colleague got a checklist to use when taking calls printed out and handed to her last week on tuesday because she just refuses to check things. On thursday I evaluated a call of hers that took place on wednesday, and it's clear that she hasn't even listened to the feedback or even used the checklist as she gave clearly wrong information.

This is also something I'll bring up in monday's meeting, but unfortunately management is not budging enough on some issues. Hopefully it'll help.

In the weekends I'm kind of able to catch up on my sleep, but not always. Being a dad is a wonderful thing, but it also takes a lot of energy. Not to mention that I already spend nearly 12 hours per day away from home due to work and travel times and working from home once or twice a month was not an option so far.
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by diribigal (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 3:12 pm

Smoke wrote:
Fri Oct 25, 2019 2:05 pm
but still rather than looking something up or trying to find a solution themselves a lot of colleagues are taking the easy step of just asking me. I also try to use these moments to teach, but it doesn't always work.
Sorry to hear what you're going through. If you're not looking for advice, I completely understand, and then please skip the rest of my post.
Do you have permission to tell people something like "sorry, please go look it up/try to find a solution yourself. I don't have the time to help right now"? Every time you answer someone, you help them in the short term, but you also condition them to come to you instead of looking things up.

Either way, if the interruptions are making it hard to focus, can you take some chunks of time and mark them as busy on your calendar or close a door, or use a "do not disturb" sign or use headphones to make it seem like it's not a good time to talk, etc.

Certainly these sorts of things can't solve everything, but if you need to focus on fewer things right now, or focus on distractions less often, I'd hope your manager would understand.
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Smoke (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 3:37 pm

I do have the permission to tell people that I'm busy and ask someone else, and we have an agreement in place that when I am doing for example call monitorings people are not supposed to disturb me. I'm also already bringing my Sennheiser HD280Pros into work for monitorings, as these are closed circumaural headphones that block off a good amount of external noise and give a decent volume as opposed to the standard call center headsets which are open as heck so I can focus a lot better. These monitorings are part of my daily tasks and the time needed depends on the amount of calls that needs to be verified.

Unfortunately I work in a call center and we've got this fun setup where there's very little in terms of dividers, and even when I'm busy people still try to ask, especially the new agents. And once I'm out of the groove during a monitoring I end up just helping them as it takes the same amount of effort as saying no and getting back to work. The team lead has informed people that they need to leave me alone but it doesn't always help, and the most common excuses are "I have a customer on the phone that needs to be helped now so I cannot spend time looking it up" or "The other seniors are busy taking calls/don't know what to do and you're free and know everything so I'm asking you".

One of the possible solutions would be that I just go sit at another desk when doing monitorings or other tasks, but I've got a whole workflow, dual screen and keyboard layout set up at my own desk that takes some effort to replicate elsewhere to allow me to do this quickly, not to mention that we've already tried this once and I still got bothered (followed by the agent who usually works at that desk complaining about it the next day) so I'm not sure this is the way to go.
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Sun Oct 27, 2019 6:27 am

Things are getting bad again already. Just about anything is setting me off and causing me to go down a spiral. Tonight it was watching a bunch of people I like get into a nasty argument over something as dumb as art history.

It’s gotten bad enough that I can’t even function at anything. I just spend every day in bed trying not to get upset. I don’t even know if my appointment next week is going to work out for me, but I hope it will.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Demeh (?) » Sun Oct 27, 2019 3:13 pm

It sucks to hear that you're doing bad, Madeline, and I wish things were easier for you. Looking at your posting history you haven't had the greatest history with psychologists/psychiatrists (I, uhm, believe that is an understatement, actually), and that you've been waiting for this appointment since mid-September(!)

You have been holding out for over one and a half month, already. You've got just a little over one week left to go. If things are as hard as you say, you deserve major props for holding out as well as you have. Maybe it's hard to be proud of that at this very moment, but perhaps you'll see it this way in the future. I certainly hope you will.

Also, you said it yourself:
Madeline wrote:
Wed Oct 16, 2019 11:22 pm
there isn’t anything I can do about it except follow a safety plan and be bored out of my skull.
And, as much as it probably sucks, you're probably right. Right now your job is to stay safe and make things as easy for yourself as possible. Need to vent? Vent. Need a pick-me-up? Maybe read PM's post again, they're good at this sorta thing ( :-P ).

Seriously though, we are all here to vent to, if you just need to vent. If you want, my PM box (or my discord, if you want) is open as well. Hang in there, Madeline.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Smoke (?) » Mon Oct 28, 2019 2:26 pm

Had the talk with my project manager today. Apparently I'm pretty much irreplacable so this is one thing we'll be working on. We're also introducing a system where the agents will not only have to try to find out more themselves using the knowledgebase, but will also have to ask the available senior instead of just picking one (Which is usually me) and there will be reminders to not disturb me or the others when we're doing other tasks.

We also printed out the call checklist I made a while back for all the agents (This is also on the knowledgebase, also introduced to the agents via an e-mail) so everyone will have this available to check before they ask a question.

The project manager is also going to take a look at the knowledgebase himself, as he's not aware of the operational procedures for taking calls and treating requests as it's not his task it should be interesting to see how he responds to it.
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed Oct 30, 2019 8:47 am

Demeh wrote:
Sun Oct 27, 2019 3:13 pm
It sucks to hear that you're doing bad, Madeline, and I wish things were easier for you. Looking at your posting history you haven't had the greatest history with psychologists/psychiatrists (I, uhm, believe that is an understatement, actually), and that you've been waiting for this appointment since mid-September(!)

You have been holding out for over one and a half month, already. You've got just a little over one week left to go. If things are as hard as you say, you deserve major props for holding out as well as you have. Maybe it's hard to be proud of that at this very moment, but perhaps you'll see it this way in the future. I certainly hope you will.

Also, you said it yourself:



And, as much as it probably sucks, you're probably right. Right now your job is to stay safe and make things as easy for yourself as possible. Need to vent? Vent. Need a pick-me-up? Maybe read PM's post again, they're good at this sorta thing ( :-P ).

Seriously though, we are all here to vent to, if you just need to vent. If you want, my PM box (or my discord, if you want) is open as well. Hang in there, Madeline.
Thank you, Demeh. :flutterunsmith: I have to admit that I am frightened about my appointment next week after how my interactions with the last two psychiatrists went.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Demeh (?) » Thu Oct 31, 2019 8:43 am

That's completely understandable, I hope things will work out :party:

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Mon Nov 04, 2019 6:43 am

I fucking suck and I would like for god to kill me now, please.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Quanta (?) » Mon Nov 04, 2019 6:59 am

Madeline wrote:
Mon Nov 04, 2019 6:43 am
I fucking suck and I would like for god to kill me now, please.
You're cool and your feelings are perfectly valid. You deserve the best of everything. :hug:
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Mon Nov 04, 2019 8:12 am

Quanta wrote:
Mon Nov 04, 2019 6:59 am
You're cool and your feelings are perfectly valid. You deserve the best of everything. :hug:
I don’t feel like I deserve to be forgiven. I’m terrible at practicing what I preach. I don’t know. My feelings are always too big for me

I’m sorry

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Mon Nov 04, 2019 8:28 am

You don't suck. I don't know what happened to bring this up but you deserve kindness.
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Mon Nov 04, 2019 10:45 am

Princess Flufflebutt wrote:
Mon Nov 04, 2019 8:28 am
You don't suck. I don't know what happened to bring this up but you deserve kindness.
Agreed 100%

You are loved here, Madeline :hug:

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Mon Nov 04, 2019 1:21 pm

Princess Flufflebutt wrote:
Mon Nov 04, 2019 8:28 am
You don't suck. I don't know what happened to bring this up but you deserve kindness.
This, always.
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Mon Nov 04, 2019 10:54 pm

I acted like an asshole on the discord and now I’m too ashamed to go back there, or to post here . Social media has rotted my brain, so I deleted my Twitter again. I don’t want to keep on surviving in this world. I obviously can’t handle it and I feel like I’ve been ground down to nothing by the last 20 years of horrible news. And all I do is either lash out at people or hide from everything because my abi,it’s to cope is just gone. I can’t take it any more.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Skipper (?) » Mon Nov 04, 2019 11:18 pm

I'm sorry you feel so down on yourself right now, Madeline. I don't want to invalidate your feelings but I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is. Please know that you are around friends here and that you are very much appreciated. You and me seem to be very much alike in that we tend to judge ourselves extremely harshly, moreso than others would. What you call "acting like an asshole" might not even register as such to someone else. I've known you for quite some time now and I've never seen you behave in a way that would warrant that description. I think you are a wonderful person who should show a bit more kindness to herself. I would very much miss seeing you around if you were to not post anymore, and I know with me many others.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Quanta (?) » Mon Nov 04, 2019 11:46 pm

Something you should pay attention to on your social media is what kind of content tends to show up on your feed and whose posting/reposting it. If all you see on your feed is bad news, and it's always from the same people, you should probably start unfollowing/muting/blocking those people. Keeping up to date on the latest atrocity to hit the world isn't worth sacrificing your mental health for. For me, this meant pruning most activists, particularly those from marginalized communities, as I felt they very rarely had anything good to keep people informed about. Negativity is infectious and will absolutely fuck you up if you constantly expose yourself to it.
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2019 7:19 am

Skipper wrote:
Mon Nov 04, 2019 11:18 pm
I'm sorry you feel so down on yourself right now, Madeline. I don't want to invalidate your feelings but I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is. Please know that you are around friends here and that you are very much appreciated. You and me seem to be very much alike in that we tend to judge ourselves extremely harshly, moreso than others would. What you call "acting like an asshole" might not even register as such to someone else. I've known you for quite some time now and I've never seen you behave in a way that would warrant that description. I think you are a wonderful person who should show a bit more kindness to herself. I would very much miss seeing you around if you were to not post anymore, and I know with me many others.
Chiming in to agree with this whole sentiment.

Also Twitter can be a really toxic place and detaching from it is nothing to feel bad about. Heck, if anything it’s probably a thing more folks should do.
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Snowfire (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2019 9:37 am

Mechanical Ape wrote:
Tue Nov 05, 2019 7:19 am
Chiming in to agree with this whole sentiment.

Also Twitter can be a really toxic place and detaching from it is nothing to feel bad about. Heck, if anything it’s probably a thing more folks should do.
We should start a Twitter Anonymous section on Discord. Twitter is toxic as hell.

But seriously Madeline, don't feel bad for having to cut ties with social media. Take it from someone who knows... It's not worth being angry and upset all the time with everything that happens on there.
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Bigdog (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2019 8:21 pm

Twitter isn't toxic as hell full stop, but as Quanta posted, you do need to be aggressive about curating your follows. There's a certain extremely online minority (God, I hope it's a minority) of progressive types whose feeds are just 24/7 scarfing down and regurgitating despair porn.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed Nov 06, 2019 6:50 pm

:flutterunsmith: I appreciate all the support.

I’m trying a new prescription now, and I’m back on Prazosin, which does a great job at almost eliminating the nightmares and reducing the flashbacks for me. That alone is a huge relief.

My new psych is trying to find someone who is both trans-friendly and specializes in EMDR for a therapist referral.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Wed Nov 06, 2019 8:01 pm

Madeline wrote:
Wed Nov 06, 2019 6:50 pm
:flutterunsmith: I appreciate all the support.

I’m trying a new prescription now, and I’m back on Prazosin, which does a great job at almost eliminating the nightmares and reducing the flashbacks for me. That alone is a huge relief.

My new psych is trying to find someone who is both trans-friendly and specializes in EMDR for a therapist referral.
That's good to hear! :party: Good start!

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Demeh (?) » Thu Nov 07, 2019 11:28 am

That's great to hear!

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Bigdog (?) » Thu Nov 07, 2019 9:36 pm

Madeline wrote:
Wed Nov 06, 2019 6:50 pm
:flutterunsmith: I appreciate all the support.

I’m trying a new prescription now, and I’m back on Prazosin, which does a great job at almost eliminating the nightmares and reducing the flashbacks for me. That alone is a huge relief.

My new psych is trying to find someone who is both trans-friendly and specializes in EMDR for a therapist referral.
At least you seem to have an ally in your psych who understands what you need.

It's incredibly fucked up that "trans-friendly therapist" is something that needs to be specified rather than sounding redundant, though. :-I It's like needing to specify "kid-friendly preschool teacher" or something, I don't know.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Thu Nov 07, 2019 10:27 pm

From my experience with therapists, I've had a few who were quite friendly and accepting of me being trans, but were completely unable to really give me any advice or support, as I was literally the first trans person they had ever met. Sometimes hanging out on here kind skews my perception of just how uncommon trans people are in a lot of the world, most particularly in rural areas like where I live. I don't really blame those therapists for being inexperienced and uncomfortable trying to help, since you can't exactly control what patients walk through your door.

On my end, things are actually kinda okay at the moment. I'm writing again, and I'm not really miserable feeling. Unfortunately this is all coming at the cost of my personal wellbeing. I'm having a lot of trouble taking care of basic needs. I'm still not sleeping at the right times, I'm hardly eating, and I'm not really keeping up with basic hygiene. Everything is pushed from my mind for the sake of feeling "okay", because as soon as I start worrying about any of it, my anxiety just goes crazy and my day is ruined. No idea what to do, really. Will continue to talk to my therapist about things.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Quanta (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 8:05 am

I'm not a counselor, but I'd say you need to establish those things as habits, one at a time. It takes between 2-4 weeks for an activity to form into a habit. Personally, I'd start with your sleep schedule, since getting up/going to bed at the same times and getting 6-8 hours of sleep every night is essential to your daily routine and overall health.
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Octavia (?) » Mon Nov 11, 2019 12:27 pm

After a few months of weekly therapy and a Lexapro prescription, at my therapist's suggestion, we're switching to monthly visits, since I'm doing much better. I'm getting more sleep and I've stopped grinding my teeth in my sleep. Also, my partner says I'm generally a lot less negative about things, so yay. :pinkietoot:
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Mon Nov 11, 2019 12:28 pm

:yay: That’s great, Octavia

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