GSM IV

[Madeline]

I came out to one of my sisters today. She was pretty cool with it and adjusted quickly. She even referred to me as her sister among other folks she knew. Overall, it was fucking nice

sisters are doing it for themselves

( )

That turned around quickly. I have an appointment for laser consultation on September 11th.

Sparkle reminded me not to mention how "excited I am for September 11th" out in public.

[Snowfire]

So I had my HRT appointment today.

1) The doctor wants me to get a letter from my therapist before she will write the prescriptions. However, she already took my blood work and made an appointment to see me again in 4 months, so I'm assuming that means she fully intends to write the prescriptions anyway.

2) During the appointment, she did the standard "stethoscope breathing" thing, and when she put it on my chest, she asked "you haven't started hormones yet have you?" I said "No whatever is there is pre-everything". For reference, if I did the measuring right, I'm a 42B currently.

3) I asked her about progesterone later on, and she said "a few years ago I would have said yes, but there have been studies recently that point to trans women having a higher risk of cardiovascular disease if they take progesterone, so right now I'd say I wouldn't recommend it". But yeah her response was basically "too much risk, not enough reward".

4) She recommended that I do the estradiol patches instead of the pills, because my Crohn's makes me more susceptible to blood clots, and so do the estradiol pills. But apparently the patches don't. So I'll do the patches. I think she's just going to do the regular Spiro as well.

So mostly positive. My therapist said she will write my letter sometime next week, so it won't be much longer now.

[Princess Flufflebutt]

That's good news.

[Madeline]

fwiw I’ve heard the patches still work pretty well in most cases. good luck snowfire

[Snowfire]

Jim Sterling came out as non-binary.

[Orange Fluffy Sheep]

Sterling already has an answer for "what is in your pants?"

[Dong Strongly]

Hey everyone, I am nonbinary, specifically agender/genderless. I prefer they/them pronouns, please and thank you.

I've grown up and gone through life knowing something was up but I never really had the vocabulary to express how I felt up until relatively recently. Just floating through life as a square peg fitting through round holes. Well about 7ish? years ago I heard someone mention someone identifying as genderless in passing and it was a real "wait, you can do that?" moment. Over the next couple years I thought about it more and more and the more I thought about it, the more it felt right. About 5 years ago is when I started identifying as agender privately and was just happy that I was able to put a name to this general unease I've always felt.

Except as the years drag on and the more I thought about it, the clearer the idealized image of myself became. This in turn led to some awesome dysphoria and growing depression and anxiety. Thankfully I found an outlet and eventually started going to therapy and coming out and living my best life and here I am.

Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for all the kind wishes!

[BeautifulShy]

Congrats on finding theyself. Yeah it can take some time but when you find theyself it can be very rewarding.


Oh also sorry for not posting in forever. Life got a hold of me and I was thinking about the site so I am back.
Little update since my last post. I have been doing hair removal in my bikini area since January 2019. I have the surgery area clear but there is some leftover around that area. Also in November I will be alternating areas each month from my face to down there. I also have a girlfriend and have since last year. She had GRS in May locally so she has been recovering in the middle of the pandemic. I haven't been to see her in person since February.

[Snowfire]

IT'S HAPPENING!

[BeautifulShy]

Very exciting!!!

[Sage]

Ah, I never posted on here!! I'm FTM, been transitioning since 2017, still haven't exactly figured out my sexuality but I think it's mostly pansexual but idk, it really depends on the person. idk, not really something I think too much about since I haven't really felt much sexual attraction to pretty much anyone... Or is it that I don't notice when I'm attracted to someone...? It's really weird, like, I find it really easy to find video game characters attractive yet with real people it's like "Oh, so I have to be attracted to someone? How about you wait a few years for me to realize that I'm actually attracted to someone?" Kinda frustrating to say the least lol... I guess it's a good thing I haven't really fallen for anyone, I'll just be the fat elf guy sitting alone in a corner, crocheting something lol.

[Snowfire]

Ah, I never posted on here!! I'm FTM, been transitioning since 2017, still haven't exactly figured out my sexuality but I think it's mostly pansexual but idk, it really depends on the person. idk, not really something I think too much about since I haven't really felt much sexual attraction to pretty much anyone... Or is it that I don't notice when I'm attracted to someone...? It's really weird, like, I find it really easy to find video game characters attractive yet with real people it's like "Oh, so I have to be attracted to someone? How about you wait a few years for me to realize that I'm actually attracted to someone?" Kinda frustrating to say the least lol... I guess it's a good thing I haven't really fallen for anyone, I'll just be the fat elf guy sitting alone in a corner, crocheting something lol.

Welcome! If you want to you should ask one of our mods for access to TRS Discord. We have an LGBT specific channel where we discuss all this stuff.

[Sage]

Welcome! If you want to you should ask one of our mods for access to TRS Discord. We have an LGBT specific channel where we discuss all this stuff.

So is the Discord much more active than here? I'll have to think about asking to join!!

[Snowfire]

So is the Discord much more active than here? I'll have to think about asking to join!!

I would say the Discord is much more active yes.

[Madeline]

Ah, I never posted on here!! I'm FTM, been transitioning since 2017, still haven't exactly figured out my sexuality but I think it's mostly pansexual but idk, it really depends on the person. idk, not really something I think too much about since I haven't really felt much sexual attraction to pretty much anyone... Or is it that I don't notice when I'm attracted to someone...? It's really weird, like, I find it really easy to find video game characters attractive yet with real people it's like "Oh, so I have to be attracted to someone? How about you wait a few years for me to realize that I'm actually attracted to someone?" Kinda frustrating to say the least lol... I guess it's a good thing I haven't really fallen for anyone, I'll just be the fat elf guy sitting alone in a corner, crocheting something lol.

Welcome!

welcomes and welcomes back to everybody that I’ve missed welcoming in this hell year

[Madeline]

Getting the ball rolling on everything finally by seeing a counselor from a clinic that specializes in trans patients on Tuesday.

[Mr. Big]

Best of luck!

[Sage]

Getting the ball rolling on everything finally by seeing a counselor from a clinic that specializes in trans patients on Tuesday.

Good luck!!!

[Snowfire]

I forgot to post my 3 month blood results.

My endo said that my T levels "are being nicely suppressed" and that "everything else is normal". She didn't specifically mention my E levels so I'll ask her at my actual appointment on the 23rd. She also didn't mention yet if my dose will change but I'm assuming she'll let me know during my appointment.

So good news overall.

[Madeline]

I forgot to post my 3 month blood results.

My endo said that my T levels "are being nicely suppressed" and that "everything else is normal". She didn't specifically mention my E levels so I'll ask her at my actual appointment on the 23rd. She also didn't mention yet if my dose will change but I'm assuming she'll let me know during my appointment.

So good news overall.

[Snowfire]

So I had my 3 month appointment with my endo today.

I found out that my T levels started at 225 (whatever unit they use), and it is now 59!!!

No wonder she said they were "nicely suppressed".

My estrogen though is still at 25, when we want to get it to 100 according to her. So we are going to try having me wear two patches per week instead of one, and keep the Spiro the same.

So good news again.

[Snowfire]

I forgot to update about what I talked about with my endo.

Originally, my endo was not going to prescribe me progesterone, because she feels that the risks for trans women are too high and there weren't many benefits. I sent her a message a couple of weeks ago explaining that the blood clot risk she was worried about was with synthetic progesterone, and there is now bioidentical progesterone. Also, I sent her this paper outlining the benefits of progesterone for trans women.

https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/1 ... 81/5270376

She got back to me on Friday. While she still thinks that it might not help much, and that I might have a higher risk of breast cancer, she said she's willing to prescribe it to me (she said I still would have breast cancer risk even without progesterone it just would be slightly higher with it). However, she did say that she would recommend I wait a little bit before starting, because "if you start progesterone too early, it sometimes halts the breast growth that the estrogen is doing". I asked if it would be okay to wait until my one year mark in September to start, since that would give the estrogen more time, and she said that sounded good.

TL;DR: I convinced my endo to prescribe me progesterone, and I will be starting it in September.

[Snowfire]

Guess who now has cis woman estrogen levels? THIS GIRL!

[Snowfire]

So a few things today:

1) I submitted my name change paperwork! I'm pretty sure I gave them everything they needed, but they are not doing anything in person at the court house so I just dropped it off.

2) I came out to my work (to my bosses and the HR person). My boss said this:

Tammy,
This is a big step and I applaud you for taking it. I know I speak for everyone at Myers when I say we are here to support you in any way we can. I think you will find everyone here at Myers to be open and supportive as you move forward. How would you like to proceed with messaging to the rest of the staff? Please let us know what we can do to support and assist you.

So yeah, good day today. I'll let everyone know when I hear back about my name change.

[Octavia]

Congrats, Tammy!

[Snowfire]

So my coming out today at work went well.

[Princess Flufflebutt]

Yessss!!! You love to see it!

[Octavia]

Yay!

[Skipper]

Congratulations Tammy, I'm so glad things are going well for you!

[Madeline]

wondering if transitioning is even worth it for me. I can be wearing makeup and the only women’s clothes I have and still get misgendered.

don’t want to bother anymore.

[Snowfire]

wondering if transitioning is even worth it for me. I can be wearing makeup and the only women’s clothes I have and still get misgendered.

don’t want to bother anymore.

Are you still working on getting HRT? Have you talked to your therapist or doctor again about it?

I can't stress enough how much HRT will help. There's a reason we say it's "magic". It won't stop you from being misgendered ever again, but it WILL help you look much more feminine.

Also remember two things. One, your goal should not be to "pass". Passing and not being clocked is nice, but you are probably aiming for a goal you won't be able to achieve 100 percent of the time. The bottom line is are you happy with you and your body.

Two, even if you don't get HRT, you are still a woman. Hormones aren't required to be trans.

[Madeline]

I haven’t ever been happy with my body. It’s gross and ugly and unhealthy and I hate it. I haven’t bothered with HRT because I don’t want to transition. I’m not a woman, I just thought being one would make me less ashamed of my shortcomings, and make me care less that nobody would ever want me.

[Snowfire]

I haven’t ever been happy with my body. It’s gross and ugly and unhealthy and I hate it. I haven’t bothered with HRT because I don’t want to transition. I’m not a woman, I just thought being one would make me less ashamed of my shortcomings, and make me care less that nobody would ever want me.

Madeline, you need to bring this up with your therapist. You seem to do this a lot where you beat yourself up, convince yourself you're not trans, switch your gender back to male, and then calm down and switch it back to female.

Do you think you would be comfortable and, more importantly, happy being a cis man? If not, then you are trans. Believe me, it is NORMAL for trans people to not like their body. And feeling that way doesn't make you a failure.

Just please remember that you are a good person and we will support whatever you decide to do.

[Snowfire]

The other possibility if you keep switching your gender back and forth is you might be non-binary or genderfluid. Have you thought about that at all?

[Madeline]

never mind

[Snowfire]

For those who live in the Berkshire County area, there is a trans support group that meets on Zoom twice per month. I've gone to a couple of meetings already and I'm really enjoying it. Believe it or not I'm one of only 2-3 trans women there. The group leader is a trans man, and there are two other trans men who are part of the group. There are also two non-binary people there (one AFAB and one AMAB).

I've already told someone else who I know lives in the area about it, but if anyone else lives near here, send me a PM and I will give you the email address to sign up. Ray will add you to the email list so that you get the Zoom invites.

[Snowfire]

I got my 9 month blood work back. While my T levels are good (29 NG/DL), my estradiol fell drastically (was 102.8 pg/mL at 6 months, now it's 45.2 pg/mL). I haven't done anything differently, and I am using two patches per week (the 0.1 mg/day ones, one on each cheek).

This is probably the universe telling me I shouldn't transition. I can't do any of the other forms of estradiol because of the increased blood clot risk being tacked on to my Crohn's (which also has blood clot risk).

I give up...

[Princess Flufflebutt]

Nooo! Don't give up! The universe is indifferent. There may be an explanation for this or at least something that can be done.

[Snowfire]

My endo said I can't do the injections because "they have the highest blood clot risk" and they have "peaks and valleys" that the patches and gel don't. She said my options are to either do 3 patches per week, or switch to the gel.

I can't do the gel because my insurance considers it a tier 3 medication, meaning my copay would be 110 bucks per month just for the gel which I can't afford. And I'm having a hard enough time trying to do 2 patches per week, so I can't do 3 patches (which is what she recommended).

I can't fucking do this anymore. I want to fucking die.

[Snowfire]

My endo said I can't do the injections because "they have the highest blood clot risk" and they have "peaks and valleys" that the patches and gel don't. She said my options are to either do 3 patches per week, or switch to the gel.

I can't do the gel because my insurance considers it a tier 3 medication, meaning my copay would be 110 bucks per month just for the gel which I can't afford. And I'm having a hard enough time trying to do 2 patches per week, so I can't do 3 patches (which is what she recommended).

I can't fucking do this anymore. I want to fucking die.

Okay so... update on this.

Apparently my endo must have done some research on her own after I mentioned that "I've heard that if you take the estradiol pills under your tongue instead of swallowing them that it helps mitigate the blood clot risk", and she said this:

Hi Tammy!

Hope you had a nice weekend! The sublingual form of estrogen MAY have a lower risk of clotting as compared to the swallowed tablets. There is no study to answer this question but there is a possible mechanism that could explain this phenomenon. Taking the sublingual form of estrogen may also increase the levels in the bloodstream as compared to swallowing them.

It seems you would like to try the sublingual form of estradiol tablets. Let's start with 2 mg daily in AM. As you aware, there is an increased risk of clotting with all forms of estrogen and I would ask that you contact me with any planned surgeries so we can discuss a temporary cessation of treatment or if you have any questions. Please stop the patches before you switch to the SL tablets. It would be great if you could repeat your labwork ~ 2 weeks before our next appt.

Thank you!

So yeah I'm now on pills!

I also found out that my copay for the pills is only 5 bucks a month (same as the Spiro), so I only need to pay 10 bucks for my HRT now per month (although it will probably go up once I start progesterone).

I've also noticed that since starting the pills, I'm not having to lie down for an hour or two in the afternoon anymore. For the last few months, I've had to take a nap in the afternoon because I had no energy, and I think it might have been due to the patches not keeping my E level high enough. Since the pills give me more estradiol overall, I think that might have helped my energy level (I don't think it's because my testosterone is too low because my endo didn't mention that it was too low before).

I guess this is also a lesson in not completely losing hope right away.