GSM IV

minty · Post by **minty** (?) » Tue Aug 06, 2019 10:40 pm

Thank you for saying all that. It does help that people are talking more about asexuality now.

Madeline · Post by **Madeline** (?) » Fri Aug 16, 2019 5:36 am

Late, but yes, I get steamed about asexual erasure. I’m so goddamn tired of people trying to police who can and can’t be in the community. Asexual people are valid and awesome. And everyone should be able to do what they like with their own bodies.

Perpetual Motion · Post by **Perpetual Motion** (?) » Thu Aug 22, 2019 2:04 pm

So, today marks the first anniversary of me starting HRT. I feel accomplished and happy with the decision, but I just wish I had the spine to be out to anyone offline. I hardly even talk with my parents about it, because it just makes them uncomfortable. If I wasn't overweight, my development from the HRT would force the issue, but I've found it nearly impossible to keep weight off while on my current psych meds. I just want to be happy with how far I've come, but oftentimes it just seems to highlight how far I've yet to go.

Perpetual Motion · Post by **Perpetual Motion** (?) » Sat Aug 24, 2019 7:43 pm

Coming back to this after a few days of thinking on it, I really want to celebrate. To do something special and share how I feel with the people in my life. I don't know how to do that, though. I can't shake the feeling that I'm just more trouble than I'm worth. How much longer can I keep this up, though? I'm super isolated, and being in the closet is a huge reason why.I know that no one can give me the answers to these questions but me, but it's rough, and I'm not the most resilient person out there.

Cthulhu Inc · Post by **Cthulhu Inc** (?) » Sat Aug 24, 2019 9:59 pm

If you're still in the area, we could meet up

BeautifulShy · Post by **BeautifulShy** (?) » Sun Sep 01, 2019 9:52 pm

Perpetual Motion wrote: ↑
Sat Aug 24, 2019 7:43 pm
Coming back to this after a few days of thinking on it, I really want to celebrate. To do something special and share how I feel with the people in my life. I don't know how to do that, though. I can't shake the feeling that I'm just more trouble than I'm worth. How much longer can I keep this up, though? I'm super isolated, and being in the closet is a huge reason why.I know that no one can give me the answers to these questions but me, but it's rough, and I'm not the most resilient person out there.

I mean a 1 year on HRT is something to celebrate if nothing for yourself on how much progress you have made so far and to congratulate yourself on where you are going. What I did was order myself a cake and had written on it "Congrats on 1 year of being you" I dressed up and brought the cake and had dinner with family and celebrated that way. You should do something to commemorate the occasion!

Madeline · Post by **Madeline** (?) » Fri Sep 27, 2019 3:17 am

The farther I go out of the closet, the ruder people are to me in public.

I’m really losing any motivation to keep doing this to myself. It doesn’t feel safe at all in this town.

Geomancing · Post by **Geomancing** (?) » Sun Oct 13, 2019 12:01 am

I've gone out a couple of times, to the mall or the grocery store while dressed up. I think I got a few side-eyes but nothing specific. I was trying on some skirts and tops at Target and the lady handling the fitting rooms didn't even blink, so that was very nice. Even so, I feel very nervous about doing it elsewhere on any common event. Like, I like skirts/dresses and feeling the fabric swish around my legs, but I feel more confortable in denim and flannel, that it's almost like armor. I may be in a liberal college town but I'm in one of the most regressive states in the US, so I get where you're coming, from, Madeline. Always the anticipation of trouble showing up.

CorvusCaw · Post by **CorvusCaw** (?) » Sun Oct 13, 2019 11:53 am

Denim and flannel are valid and rad as hell.

Madeline · Post by **Madeline** (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 3:03 am

Geomancing wrote: ↑
Sun Oct 13, 2019 12:01 am
I've gone out a couple of times, to the mall or the grocery store while dressed up. I think I got a few side-eyes but nothing specific. I was trying on some skirts and tops at Target and the lady handling the fitting rooms didn't even blink, so that was very nice. Even so, I feel very nervous about doing it elsewhere on any common event. Like, I like skirts/dresses and feeling the fabric swish around my legs, but I feel more confortable in denim and flannel, that it's almost like armor. I may be in a liberal college town but I'm in one of the most regressive states in the US, so I get where you're coming, from, Madeline. Always the anticipation of trouble showing up.

I’m sorry I missed this earlier. Thanks, Geo

But yeah, it always feels like something could happen. People are much nicer at the dollar store and the Walmart than at the places that are a bit more bourgie, which is interesting.

I don’t know if being a woman really makes me happy, or if being non-binary would fit better. Or if it’s just me being horribly depressed that warps all of my perceptions.

Madeline · Post by **Madeline** (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 3:49 am

Honestly reading my posts in this thread, I am way too obsessed with what other people see me as/what they think of me.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 8:26 am

It's understandable, but yeah, not healthy. Being safe and careful when you sadly have to be is fine, but making your whole existence about what others might or might not think is an exercise in misery. Those people don't live your life, you do, and so pleasing yourself first and foremost would be best. It's not easy, but it's very much worth it, IMO.

Wooten · Post by **Wooten** (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 8:04 pm

I always wanted to come out in this thread but didn't actually use the forums when I finally did it.

I'm a girl everyone!

I came out to my family back in May, and started HRT July 17th, and came out to the whole world just at the beginning of this month. I have come so far so fast it kind of feels like a speed run.

I actually figured it out largely due to this thread back in like 2014, (thank you all but especially Perry, you always have done an amazing job saying the right and most helpful things) I definitely should have done something about it earlier. Unfortunately, having a family and weird guilt issues made it too complicated. My family has all been super supportive, and loves me, and calls me Mom, and I've never been happier. While not all of it has been easy or trauma free, most of my fears were not real.

So on the topic of going out and stuff, I started going out in girl mode back in August, and I threw all my guy clothes away on October first and have not gone outside presenting masc since. Obviously my experiences are living in the greater Boston area, a famously socially left leaning area, so they might not apply in many other places.

At first I noticed every side eye and mean look, but honestly I don't anymore. And when I do it's usually from a dude in an American flag shirt with bad hygiene, honestly pissing in that guy's Cheerios always puts some extra bounce in my step. Most people are nice and aren't paying attention to anything anyway. It's cliche but it really does get better and more comfortable and it feels amazing.

What worked for me was not only caring less about what people think, but actually reveling in making bigoted people uncomfortable (in public areas at a safe distance) and being proud to be able to show the world we exist. Our open existence normalizes being transgender a little more every single day. There are also LGBTQ young people out there who see us and have more hope and happiness. Not to mention all the other wonderful trans people we get to meet who treat us like family. Seriously, if you haven't yet run into another trans person while shopping you are in for a treat.

In conclusion being trans is a land of contrasts.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 8:56 pm

Spite is a powerful motivator in the right doses. I know it has gotten me through a bunch of rough patches. Making assholes uncomfortable is satisfying on its very own level.

I'm really super happy for you, Wooten!! I know it's trite to say but it's never too late and I'm proud that you found your way. Really glad to hear your family supports you, too. Thanks for the kind words, it's very sweet

Hanging out with you at BronyCon was great, I seriously hope we can hang out again sometime. Would love to have an out and out girl hangout!

If I may ask: Have you chosen a girl name for yourself yet? If so, what is it?

Wooten · Post by **Wooten** (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 9:26 pm

Thanks Perry! It was great to finally meet you at Bronycon, and I know it won't be the last time!

My name is Kimberly, most people call me Kim.

I actually spent the last couple days fighting my University to change my name on publicly viewable pages and managed to cause enough trouble to make them change the entire policy to make it easier for everyone, they even did more than I even asked and let me change my edu email address. :3

BeautifulShy · Post by **BeautifulShy** (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 9:38 pm

Madeline wrote: ↑
Fri Oct 25, 2019 3:49 am
Honestly reading my posts in this thread, I am way too obsessed with what other people see me as/what they think of me.

In my time since I have been out I have noticed a good portion of my confidence has come from not worrying what other people think of me when I am out and about in the city. Yes I keep in mind my safety at all times but I try not to let what other people say to me affect me too much. One thing I have been told by others to keep in mind is who is saying this sort of stuff to me and if I am really going to see them on a day to day basis. If I am not in contact with them that much then it doesn't affect me that much.

Congrats Kimberly on how well things have gone for you so far!

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 9:56 pm

Wooten wrote: ↑
Fri Oct 25, 2019 9:26 pm
I actually spent the last couple days fighting my University to change my name on publicly viewable pages and managed to cause enough trouble to make them change the entire policy to make it easier for everyone, they even did more than I even asked and let me change my edu email address. :3

Woo!! Look at you go

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Fri Oct 25, 2019 10:33 pm

Congrats, Wooten! I'm proud of you!

Madeline · Post by **Madeline** (?) » Sat Oct 26, 2019 2:18 am

Thank you, perry, Kimberly, and Alexis

Demeh · Post by **Demeh** (?) » Sun Oct 27, 2019 2:45 pm

It's great to hear that your coming out experience has been a postive one, Kim

DaikatunaRevengeance · Post by **DaikatunaRevengeance** (?) » Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:11 am

I've been kind of meaning to write this for a while. So here it goes.

Um, hey folks. Did I ever even post in these threads before? So like, earlier this year I admitted to myself how I felt and tried being a girl online and hey it turns out it feels nice. Before this I was non-binary (tbh, I can't remember when I started identifying as NB, but it was also online only) and I'd say I still kind of am. I kind of started having suspicions/feelings during last year, but before that all i really understood is i just don't like being refered to as a man.

While I probably haven't posted much in these threads I did read them and I did interact with other folks outside of TRS that gave me new perspectives on things, especially friends. So here I am.

BeautifulShy · Post by **BeautifulShy** (?) » Mon Oct 28, 2019 3:05 pm

Welcome to the thread and to yourself as well. Is there a name and pronoun you want to go by?

As for myself I might be starting estrodial valtrate injections soon. It just needs prior authorization and then my doctor will inject me in the office. I have been wanting to get on Injections for several years now.

Cthulhu Inc · Post by **Cthulhu Inc** (?) » Fri Nov 01, 2019 12:13 am

This forum is secretly a cult to turn everyone into women. It's the gay agenda! :tinfoil:

Madeline · Post by **Madeline** (?) » Fri Nov 01, 2019 11:43 pm

DaikatunaRevengeance wrote: ↑
Mon Oct 28, 2019 9:11 am
I've been kind of meaning to write this for a while. So here it goes.

Um, hey folks. Did I ever even post in these threads before? So like, earlier this year I admitted to myself how I felt and tried being a girl online and hey it turns out it feels nice. Before this I was non-binary (tbh, I can't remember when I started identifying as NB, but it was also online only) and I'd say I still kind of am. I kind of started having suspicions/feelings during last year, but before that all i really understood is i just don't like being refered to as a man.

While I probably haven't posted much in these threads I did read them and I did interact with other folks outside of TRS that gave me new perspectives on things, especially friends. So here I am.

Welcome

DaikatunaRevengeance · Post by **DaikatunaRevengeance** (?) » Sat Nov 02, 2019 10:35 am

Thanks y'all

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Sat Nov 02, 2019 12:05 pm

I'm glad this awesome shark gal is my friend

Princess Flufflebutt · Post by **Princess Flufflebutt** (?) » Sat Nov 02, 2019 3:43 pm

Perrydotto wrote: ↑
Sat Nov 02, 2019 12:05 pm
I'm glad this awesome shark gal is my friend

Heckin' same.

BeautifulShy · Post by **BeautifulShy** (?) » Wed Nov 20, 2019 3:23 pm

This time of year always makes me sad because of TDOR and all who we lost this past year. Not only that but the past few weeks I have been dealing with something and it has just compounded on itself and made me even more frustrated. Mainly about being independent but there is a roadblock I have to tackle before I can even start focusing on my independence.

BeautifulShy · Post by **BeautifulShy** (?) » Thu Nov 21, 2019 6:38 pm

So some good news for me. I am going to be starting on Estradiol Cyphonate injections tomorrow. I have wanted to be on Injections pretty much since I started my medical transiton. It has been a long time since I started medically transitioning. Feb 3rd 2020 will be 5 years.

Snowfire · Post by **Snowfire** (?) » Tue Dec 03, 2019 6:25 pm

Oh boy where to start...

Hi everyone. I've been here a while now and watched many of our friends come out as trans. I can only hope that I've been as supportive as I could be. Seeing so many realize who they are made me reflect on my own past experiences.

Starting in middle school, I started having this feeling that something about me wasn't quite right. I felt uncomfortable in my own body. At first I thought it was because I was overweight (as my mom constantly liked to remind me), but that wasn't it. There were many nights where I would lie awake and pray to God, "Please, if you can, can you make me wake up as a girl tomorrow?" During the summer, my mom would hang her wet bathing suit in the bathroom to dry. When I looked at it, more than anything, I wanted to try it on. I didn't want to wear my swim shorts. I never did try her bathing suit on, but that memory has always stuck with me.

Throughout high school, my mom would remind me when I said I couldn't find a girlfriend "well don't worry, I keep having dreams of you being a dad to a little boy, etc, etc". I wanted to tell her that I didn't think I wanted to be a father. Not because I was thinking "I want to be a mom instead". That thought still hadn't really clicked. I just knew that being a father didn't sound right.

All these feelings got put on the back burner during college when I got diagnosed with Crohn's and had to have my surgeries. I was so focused on that that I didn't have time to reflect on my dysphoria. So that took up quite a few years.

It wasn't until I joined the forums that I learned about transgender people. I did have a thought of "oh that's what I was experiencing", but since my illness was my focus, I left it at that.

A few things happened that finally tipped the scales. One, and I'll put this in spoilers because reasons, when I would masturbate, I could no longer picture myself as a guy. For a while now, I've only been able to picture myself as female in any sexual scenario. Sometimes I even managed to picture myself with long red hair too. Two, there were a few announcements from some of our Ponygoon male and female couples that they were going to have a child. Every time that would happen, I would have this hole in my heart. Don't get me wrong, I am always happy for anyone who is going to have a kid... but... I wanted that to be me. To be the woman. More than anything. The third thing was having our QUILTBAG Discord channel be created where I could talk about these feelings openly (I mean, obviously I could here too but I'm usually on Discord more).

I take that back. There's a fourth thing. And I need to give a big heartwarming hug to Kimberly (SparkleDoe) for this. She sent me a private message on Discord that simply said:

forgive my blunt question, but are you trans snowfire?

That was when I finally accepted that... Yeah, I might be a woman.

I'm scared to death what will happen if I tell my family. Not my sister or my brother, because my sister is pan, in a lesbian relationship, and is well versed in LGBT stuff, and my brother is usually open about this stuff. I'm worried about my mom and my new step dad. I probably shouldn't be. I mean, my mom made my sister a rainbow colored blanket (as well as one for her partner) when she found out that they were together. But I don't know if "gay vs straight" is as far as she's willing to accept. The other thing I'm worried about is my job. They seem to be pretty open and progressive where I work, and have already shown that they are willing to bend over backwards for me for health reasons (given my upcoming hiradenitis surgery). But I don't know if they would be open to having a trans woman there. I mean, I DO live in Massachusetts, so maybe I'm worrying about nothing. I just wish I knew for sure.

I'm going to do a lot of questioning these next few weeks (and probably talk to my sister). If I do decide to come out, my family will obviously be first, probably after I recover from this upcoming surgery. Which will be around the end of January when I'll have my 34th birthday. What a good time that will be!

TL,DR: Hi everyone, I think I'm a woman so I'm going to try this out. She/her. I don't have a name yet since it's hard to find a female version of "Thomas". Snowfire is pretty ambiguous so I'll keep my online name. Now I'm going to sit down while my heart stops beating so fast.

P.S. - This has made me also realize that I am probably bisexual as well. Two for one coming out.

Wooten · Post by **Wooten** (?) » Tue Dec 03, 2019 6:36 pm

I'm really glad my blunt question helped! Congrats Snowfire, you have taken a big scary step, and I hope it makes things easier.

DaikatunaRevengeance · Post by **DaikatunaRevengeance** (?) » Tue Dec 03, 2019 7:36 pm

Congrats Snowfire! I'm proud of you.

Madeline · Post by **Madeline** (?) » Tue Dec 03, 2019 8:00 pm

Congratulations, Snowfire

Mr. Big · Post by **Mr. Big** (?) » Tue Dec 03, 2019 8:27 pm

Congrats, Snowfire!

Bigdog · Post by **Bigdog** (?) » Wed Dec 04, 2019 12:19 am

Snowfire wrote: ↑
Tue Dec 03, 2019 6:25 pm
TL,DR: Hi everyone, I think I'm a woman so I'm going to try this out. She/her. I don't have a name yet since it's hard to find a female version of "Thomas". Snowfire is pretty ambiguous so I'll keep my online name. Now I'm going to sit down while my heart stops beating so fast.

Thomasina? Less obscurely, Tommi or Tomi?

Of course, you don't have to have it be in any way related to Thomas. I'm just saying.

Regardless, congratulations!

Aria Genisi · Post by **Aria Genisi** (?) » Wed Dec 04, 2019 12:26 am

congratulations, snowfire!

Westy543 · Post by **Westy543** (?) » Wed Dec 04, 2019 1:07 am

Ahhh congratulations!

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Wed Dec 04, 2019 2:06 am

Be good to yourself, Snowfire, and congratulations for taking this step

Figure things out as you need. Good luck! You deserve self-fulfillment and happiness.

Snowfire · Post by **Snowfire** (?) » Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:48 pm

I came out to my sister today. Here's her text:

Okay - I skimmed quickly and will read more in depth later but 1) I love you no matter what (obviously) and 2) it will all be okay. I have friends I can put you in contact with if you would like to talk to someone about everything you're feeling. Marjorie might be a good person to talk to. They came out as non-binary a little bit ago and I know they had to have the talk with their mom who is a lot like our mom. And super lucky for you that I went where I did and got to experience people going through a similar struggle.

The only thing you need to focus on now is making you feel comfortable in your own skin. At the end of the day that is all that matters and just know that the wonderful LGBT+ community will be there for you every step of the way (and your family too but the community is pretty freakin awesome).

Also, when I got home I shaved my armpits and legs (which admittedly took an hour and a half because 33 years of hair doesn't come off easy), and my sister recommended me some women's deodorant, and I feel 100 percent prettier.

Tomorrow I'll come out to my brother, and then take a break while my sister and I determine how to tell my mom and step dad. The fun train doesn't stop.

Princess Flufflebutt · Post by **Princess Flufflebutt** (?) » Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:58 pm

Congrats!