Relationships & Co. Thread
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- Perrydotto
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Relationships & Co. Thread
Like the previous iteration of this thread, post about your personal/romantic relationships here, whatever form they may take. You can ask for advice or support here and discuss your thoughts/interests/what have you regarding relationships.
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- Ninetails
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
GUESS WHO HAS A GIRLFRIEND
The answer is Inkie.
The girlfriend is me.
The answer is Inkie.
The girlfriend is me.
- Perrydotto
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- Mr. Big
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
I made it a goal to at least go out with someone this year.
There's a girl I've been thinking about. We used to hang out at the old coffee shop and talk frequently, then lost touch because the shop closed down (I pretty much lost touch with everyone I knew at that shop ). We recently reunited when I happened to run across her at a restaurant she's works at.
Next time I see her, I'm thinking of asking her out, or at least hang out someplace outside her work hours. We'll see where it goes from there.
There's a girl I've been thinking about. We used to hang out at the old coffee shop and talk frequently, then lost touch because the shop closed down (I pretty much lost touch with everyone I knew at that shop ). We recently reunited when I happened to run across her at a restaurant she's works at.
Next time I see her, I'm thinking of asking her out, or at least hang out someplace outside her work hours. We'll see where it goes from there.
- Cthulhu Inc
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
This person I've been talking to on the dating app talks extensively about how she loves anime, names a specific anime movie she says she loves, I twice suggest we watch it together, and she ignores my suggestion, and says something pretending she didn't see it???
A spectre is haunting Europe — the spectre of communism.
- West Filly
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
Sounds like you felt hopeful about this person, and now it's conflicting.
- Weird Autumn
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
I'm dating a girl from Perry's GW2 guild and she's anime trash but she's my anime trash and I'm her girlfriend and it's very good
- Princess Flufflebutt
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
The last few days have been an emotional roller coaster. A thing haopened that bummed me the fuck out, but it got me to tell like three crushes about my feelings finally. One was planned, two just kinda happened. And now I'm in bed, it's 11:30 AM and I have not slept at all I'm not sure I'm expecting anything to come from this but I digress.
- Perrydotto
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
Being honest about your feelings is usually a very good idea. Having it eating you up inside or lying to others just tends to get way uglier and more difficult. I'm glad you opened up to people. Even if nothing further comes from that, you didn't bottle up or hide things from yourself or others. Good job
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- Perrydotto
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
Because it needs to be here, my proudest accomplishment of a post ever:
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- Mr. Big
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
I went and asked that girl if she wants to hang out. She says it might be doable, and asked for my number. A start, I suppose
- Perrydotto
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- ixnay
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
Next month marks 15 years since the very start of our online forum crush that has since turned into a very happy marriage with a kid. It's crazy to think that it's been that long but I still have the original poem I received way back on Valentine's Day 2003 that kicked the whole thing off
Anyways, for anyone else around here going through a similar long-distance relationship that needs help I'd like to think that I can listen and offer useful advice!
Anyways, for anyone else around here going through a similar long-distance relationship that needs help I'd like to think that I can listen and offer useful advice!
- Mr. Big
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
I've been using a dating app, wanting to keep my options open. I talked to a girl who lives nearby. Turns out we crossed paths before, because she told me she remembered seeing me at the local coffee shop I always write my comic stuff at
She agreed to meet with me properly. Gonna work out the schedule later.
She agreed to meet with me properly. Gonna work out the schedule later.
- Octavia
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
Sup fellow online forum crush that turned into a real serious long-term relationship buddy?ixnay wrote: ↑Wed Jan 10, 2018 12:47 amNext month marks 15 years since the very start of our online forum crush that has since turned into a very happy marriage with a kid. It's crazy to think that it's been that long but I still have the original poem I received way back on Valentine's Day 2003 that kicked the whole thing off
Anyways, for anyone else around here going through a similar long-distance relationship that needs help I'd like to think that I can listen and offer useful advice!
My partner and I met in the LGBT thread on Something Awful way back when, with him living in Richmond and myself in Los Angeles. Eventually we moved in together in LA, then moved to Chicago and bought a home. It's been over 8 years and we're still going strong.
- theGECK
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
I just celebrated 12 years of marriage with my partner!
- Princess Flufflebutt
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- Frosthawk
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
Oh yea, london (RIP) and I have now been together for 2 years as of yesterday, so I guess thats something. Living together for all that time and still never had a fight.
- Perrydotto
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- Mr. Big
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
Tell London we miss her, and she should totes come back!
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londonarbuckle
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- Mr. Big
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
I summoned Londonlondonarbuckle wrote: ↑Fri Jan 26, 2018 12:09 amI straight-up forgot I'd barely posted on the new board. Maybe I will now!
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
A bit over four years ago, I asked advice in the previous iteration of this thread as I was going on a blind date with a coworker's sister on March 1st, 2014. It worked out far better than I could have ever hoped it would.
I shall sing you the song of my people
- Momo
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
Do tell!
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
Well, we'll have been married for two years in july, we're looking to buy a house and we're working on starting a family as well.
I shall sing you the song of my people
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- Mir
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
So today was my birthday.
I went for a nice walk, ate out, had some cake, got some thoughtful messages...
All and all, it was a pretty good day.
But as I sat down and fired up discord after all that, I was disappoint to notice that one friend of mine in particular wasn't on. And when they logged on maybe an hour later I was excited to see them.
Realized I wished I could have just spent the entire day talking.
Oh.
Uh oh...
This really wasn't supposed to happen.
Crushing on my friend soooo hard right now.
Don't think either of us are looking to get involved with anything.
Not sure it would really be a good idea either but...
Oh no, I'm honestly blushing just thinking about them. I'm turning into some sort of cliche.
I went for a nice walk, ate out, had some cake, got some thoughtful messages...
All and all, it was a pretty good day.
But as I sat down and fired up discord after all that, I was disappoint to notice that one friend of mine in particular wasn't on. And when they logged on maybe an hour later I was excited to see them.
Realized I wished I could have just spent the entire day talking.
Oh.
Uh oh...
This really wasn't supposed to happen.
Crushing on my friend soooo hard right now.
Don't think either of us are looking to get involved with anything.
Not sure it would really be a good idea either but...
Oh no, I'm honestly blushing just thinking about them. I'm turning into some sort of cliche.
Last edited by Mir on Mon Mar 12, 2018 1:39 am, edited 2 times in total.
- West Filly
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
It sounds like you're fond of your friend's company. Whether it's mutual or not, whether it's lasting or temporary, whether it's practical or just not happening, I sincerely hope you have some time where you can enjoy that wonderful warm feeling. It's good, and maybe you've noticed some things about your friend that you feel are good. Right now, isn't that nice?
There's a time to think about what to do or say from here if anything at all, but I think it's important to allow yourself to feel how you feel even if it is a cliche.
I know that might come off as either really sappy or perhaps insincere, but I wanted to put it out there.
There's a time to think about what to do or say from here if anything at all, but I think it's important to allow yourself to feel how you feel even if it is a cliche.
I know that might come off as either really sappy or perhaps insincere, but I wanted to put it out there.
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- Princess Flufflebutt
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
Four More Years!
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- Cthulhu Inc
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
A spectre is haunting Europe — the spectre of communism.
- theGECK
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
This is a giant wall of text advice post. I'm asking for advice related to spousal abuse, so I'm hiding it if you don't want to/can't read that.
Last edited by theGECK on Mon Apr 23, 2018 10:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
- West Filly
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
This sounds like it could result in a legal case / divorce proceedings. Don't hide money. If it goes nuclear, lawyer up and make sure you get what property is yours.
- theGECK
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
The money would be so that I could afford an attorney if things got ugly. Sorry, that's important, I should have specified that.West Filly wrote: ↑Mon Apr 23, 2018 10:13 amThis sounds like it could result in a legal case / divorce proceedings. Don't hide money, lawyer up.
- West Filly
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
A lot of attourneys will cover the expenses from the settlement. Of course it's not ideal to give them a cut but there's decisions to be made.
You can take the money, so long as you don't hide it. If it goes nuclear, you'll need to declare your finances. At some point a light could be shone on the money you have and where it came from at which point you may need to defend why you put it in one place and not another.
I know this is a lot of stress, but everything you now do financially you need to do as though a magistrate is watching.
You can take the money, so long as you don't hide it. If it goes nuclear, you'll need to declare your finances. At some point a light could be shone on the money you have and where it came from at which point you may need to defend why you put it in one place and not another.
I know this is a lot of stress, but everything you now do financially you need to do as though a magistrate is watching.
- West Filly
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
It just occurred to me that things could be totally different in the US in terms of what lawyers offer and how cases tend to turn out. Even then, I'm not an expert here or anywhere. For a lot of reasons I want to write now to say please ignore my posts.
- Perrydotto
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
First off, you are considering a very brave and very important thing for your own wellbeing. I seriously want to applaud you for that. Nobody here can force you to leave or have the emotional insight into the situation, and it's a really heavy thing to get your head around. This is a person who was supposed to be your most trusted and supportive ally, in every major area of life - That's not something you can just easily take and push aside. Nobody in their right mind can or should begrudge you for being conflicted. Just personally, from everything you've said here and in private, this relationship has gotten to a point where it raises massive red flags in basically every aspect. It's not your partner's right to make decisions for you, to erode the trust you're supposed to have in your own feelings and instincts, to deny even entertaining therapy out of respect for the relationship, and to deny you something as fundamental and vital as your pronouns. None of this is acceptable, under any circumstances, for your partner to do. No amount of grief or trouble she might be feeling excuses this behaviour. From how you write, you've made fantastic progress at realizing this, and that's really really good. You deserve kindness and respect, always. Do what you need to get it.
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I feel it's necessary to mention that transgender people in general are very likely to be victims of abuse, physical and/or psychological, in relationships. Here is an article going into some more detail, with US-focused resources attached. There is also this very insightful pamphlet that's more UK-focused. Both are very good and important reads no matter where you are from, though, just specific organizations will vary from country to country.
Here is a general guide with tips for leaving an abusive partner. Might have some thoughts you haven't considered yet, just in case.
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My 2 cents:
- Get a lawyer ASAP. Since you have a lot of shared assets and other things that would need to be untangled, things could get messy really quickly. Considering how controlling your partner has acted around you already, and how much they've appeared to gaslight you, you really cannot say for sure how they would treat your posessions once you leave. Even if she doesn't flip out, tries to steal from you or whatever, having a lawyer will help you a ton with covering all your bases and telling you what you can and can't do to stay safe and still legally covered. Most lawyers do initial consultations for free. Google to find lawyers specialized in divorce law, maybe even specialized in cases that involve domestic abuse. Your local LGBT organizations might also likely have tips on where to find LGBT friendly lawyers in your area. Google has some ideas, also. I cannot stress enough how much having a competent lawyer on your side will help.
- Have several options for a roof over your head. Having supportive friends who will let you stay at their place for a while is absolutely amazing and ideally you check with several potential friends to make sure you can divide the load. Just be sure to clue them in on everything they need to know to be safe with you and on their own. However, just in case your partner ends up going really manipulative and ballistic or things get too big for your friends, be sure to prepare in advance and look up domestic abuse shelters. Again, also check with local LGBT organizations on what they can recommend for you to do and where to go. Sadly, a bunch of shelters are still run by very conservative organizations, so see which are explicitly LGBT-friendly or otherwise recommended.
- Inform your doctors and mental health professionals as well. The more allies, the merrier. Seriously. The more people can back you up and help you through this stuff, the safer you can be. You are planning to do a really important and beneficial thing for yourself, but it's still really goddamn hard. Tell your doctor, tell your therapist, tell a counselor your trust. They have to keep things confidential and can likely support you when the poop hits the fan. Tell your most trusted friends. In case your partner ends up trying to manipulate the friends you have in common, you ideally want to get ahead of the story - So when you got a good foundation of very trusted individuals, see if you can tell the friends you have in common.
- Ask the lawyer about how to handle your money and assets once you are ready. Your salary is your salary. Your partner is not magically entitled to it. However, it is true that depending on what marriage contract you might have and other potential entitlements are at play (for instance, how much your partner makes), making sure what's yours stays yours could be complicated. Do not take more than you absolutely need for now, and instead ask the lawyer ASAP about how to go about this the safest. Nobody here can give you legal advice, so as soon as you can, talk to a professional.
I can't say enough how much I'm proud of you for taking your needs seriously, and for looking into whatever steps you have to take to be safe. Above all else, please do be safe. Don't do anything rash just because you've read about it or have been advised as much. Get out when you should get out, but that's your call to make. In any case, though, prepare and get allies on your side. It will seriously help so much.
I'm rooting for you from the bottom of my heart, Geck. You are a wonderful woman and you deserve respect.
--------------------------
I feel it's necessary to mention that transgender people in general are very likely to be victims of abuse, physical and/or psychological, in relationships. Here is an article going into some more detail, with US-focused resources attached. There is also this very insightful pamphlet that's more UK-focused. Both are very good and important reads no matter where you are from, though, just specific organizations will vary from country to country.
Here is a general guide with tips for leaving an abusive partner. Might have some thoughts you haven't considered yet, just in case.
--------------------------
My 2 cents:
- Get a lawyer ASAP. Since you have a lot of shared assets and other things that would need to be untangled, things could get messy really quickly. Considering how controlling your partner has acted around you already, and how much they've appeared to gaslight you, you really cannot say for sure how they would treat your posessions once you leave. Even if she doesn't flip out, tries to steal from you or whatever, having a lawyer will help you a ton with covering all your bases and telling you what you can and can't do to stay safe and still legally covered. Most lawyers do initial consultations for free. Google to find lawyers specialized in divorce law, maybe even specialized in cases that involve domestic abuse. Your local LGBT organizations might also likely have tips on where to find LGBT friendly lawyers in your area. Google has some ideas, also. I cannot stress enough how much having a competent lawyer on your side will help.
- Have several options for a roof over your head. Having supportive friends who will let you stay at their place for a while is absolutely amazing and ideally you check with several potential friends to make sure you can divide the load. Just be sure to clue them in on everything they need to know to be safe with you and on their own. However, just in case your partner ends up going really manipulative and ballistic or things get too big for your friends, be sure to prepare in advance and look up domestic abuse shelters. Again, also check with local LGBT organizations on what they can recommend for you to do and where to go. Sadly, a bunch of shelters are still run by very conservative organizations, so see which are explicitly LGBT-friendly or otherwise recommended.
- Inform your doctors and mental health professionals as well. The more allies, the merrier. Seriously. The more people can back you up and help you through this stuff, the safer you can be. You are planning to do a really important and beneficial thing for yourself, but it's still really goddamn hard. Tell your doctor, tell your therapist, tell a counselor your trust. They have to keep things confidential and can likely support you when the poop hits the fan. Tell your most trusted friends. In case your partner ends up trying to manipulate the friends you have in common, you ideally want to get ahead of the story - So when you got a good foundation of very trusted individuals, see if you can tell the friends you have in common.
- Ask the lawyer about how to handle your money and assets once you are ready. Your salary is your salary. Your partner is not magically entitled to it. However, it is true that depending on what marriage contract you might have and other potential entitlements are at play (for instance, how much your partner makes), making sure what's yours stays yours could be complicated. Do not take more than you absolutely need for now, and instead ask the lawyer ASAP about how to go about this the safest. Nobody here can give you legal advice, so as soon as you can, talk to a professional.
I can't say enough how much I'm proud of you for taking your needs seriously, and for looking into whatever steps you have to take to be safe. Above all else, please do be safe. Don't do anything rash just because you've read about it or have been advised as much. Get out when you should get out, but that's your call to make. In any case, though, prepare and get allies on your side. It will seriously help so much.
I'm rooting for you from the bottom of my heart, Geck. You are a wonderful woman and you deserve respect.
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- theGECK
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Re: Relationships & Co. Thread
Thank you Perry for your post. I don't even know what to say. A few thoughts I had while reading?
I have friends that will let me crash at that place, but if it gets to the point where I have to get out I also won't have a car because that's in her name, so my options are going to be limited as to how far out I can go and still get to work. Maybe I can borrow a car? But I have friends where walking to work would only be 15-60 minutes each way and that's doable. I probably won't be out on the street, at least, and I shouldn't lose my job. When we bought the house it was with the understanding that I would keep it if we couldn't stay together because of transition but now that we've paid it down to the point we can break even on it, supposedly we had said that the agreement was only because we couldn't break even on a sale? I mean, it makes sense that we would set things up that way and it's logical, I just don't remember it that way. So I'm having to rapidly and suddenly change my ideas of what my housing will be if we split up. But I'm really lucky, and have people around who are very willing to help. Which is good because...
There are no shelters in our area that accept gay, lesbian, or transgender people. Or at least there weren't last year. And I live in a town with world-class healthcare in a state that has legal protections for LGBT people and I work for one of the companies that gets a 100 from HRC's scoring system. The reason given? "If we allow lesbian women or transgender women into our shelter(s), we wouldn't be able to turn away their abuser from our shelters (for lesbians) or abusers would pretend to be transgender to find their victim (for transgender people)." Which I sympathize with, especially because they're already doing more than they have resources to do. It's just a bad situation that the solution doesn't help some very vulnerable populations.
I went to see a therapist again recently to talk about this. He was really helpful but I won't be able to go again because it's way more expensive than where I used to go, and because the last time I went to see a counselor I had to deal with being asked every month how much it cost and if I could stop going yet so we could use the money somewhere else. Maybe once I leave I can, but I don't know.
I hadn't thought of an initial consultation. I might be able to do that. If I act fast there might be a time she's at work while I'm not before her schedule goes back to normal and we walk into work and home from work together again. Or maybe I could schedule time with a friend and answer questions about that and then have the consultation, and have the friend cover my back? That seems like it might be too easily unraveled though, unless I plan with the friend ahead of time what conversation topics we talked about in case she asks the friend. Context: If I don't share enough about what I talked about with my friends, I'm hiding something and it's a bad thing.
I make too much to qualify for any assistance, so retaining a lawyer will probably be around $3,000. That's the amount our friend who we helped get out of a physically dangerous relationship where the guy is now a registered sex offender had to come up with if she wanted to have a lawyer. If she couldn't get financial help with legal stuff, I don't know how I could. And bonus insult to injury - the free legal consultations for situations like this are held at the shelters. That I can't go to.
Still processing through things, but thank you people who wrote to me.
I have friends that will let me crash at that place, but if it gets to the point where I have to get out I also won't have a car because that's in her name, so my options are going to be limited as to how far out I can go and still get to work. Maybe I can borrow a car? But I have friends where walking to work would only be 15-60 minutes each way and that's doable. I probably won't be out on the street, at least, and I shouldn't lose my job. When we bought the house it was with the understanding that I would keep it if we couldn't stay together because of transition but now that we've paid it down to the point we can break even on it, supposedly we had said that the agreement was only because we couldn't break even on a sale? I mean, it makes sense that we would set things up that way and it's logical, I just don't remember it that way. So I'm having to rapidly and suddenly change my ideas of what my housing will be if we split up. But I'm really lucky, and have people around who are very willing to help. Which is good because...
There are no shelters in our area that accept gay, lesbian, or transgender people. Or at least there weren't last year. And I live in a town with world-class healthcare in a state that has legal protections for LGBT people and I work for one of the companies that gets a 100 from HRC's scoring system. The reason given? "If we allow lesbian women or transgender women into our shelter(s), we wouldn't be able to turn away their abuser from our shelters (for lesbians) or abusers would pretend to be transgender to find their victim (for transgender people)." Which I sympathize with, especially because they're already doing more than they have resources to do. It's just a bad situation that the solution doesn't help some very vulnerable populations.
I went to see a therapist again recently to talk about this. He was really helpful but I won't be able to go again because it's way more expensive than where I used to go, and because the last time I went to see a counselor I had to deal with being asked every month how much it cost and if I could stop going yet so we could use the money somewhere else. Maybe once I leave I can, but I don't know.
I hadn't thought of an initial consultation. I might be able to do that. If I act fast there might be a time she's at work while I'm not before her schedule goes back to normal and we walk into work and home from work together again. Or maybe I could schedule time with a friend and answer questions about that and then have the consultation, and have the friend cover my back? That seems like it might be too easily unraveled though, unless I plan with the friend ahead of time what conversation topics we talked about in case she asks the friend. Context: If I don't share enough about what I talked about with my friends, I'm hiding something and it's a bad thing.
I make too much to qualify for any assistance, so retaining a lawyer will probably be around $3,000. That's the amount our friend who we helped get out of a physically dangerous relationship where the guy is now a registered sex offender had to come up with if she wanted to have a lawyer. If she couldn't get financial help with legal stuff, I don't know how I could. And bonus insult to injury - the free legal consultations for situations like this are held at the shelters. That I can't go to.
Still processing through things, but thank you people who wrote to me.