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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2020 9:27 pm
by Madeline
2020 is not letting up. Now my dad’s going to the hospital right now because the VA sent him some penicillin for a sinus infection (which has never bothered him before) and his tongue is swollen so bad he can’t breathe. I am shit scared that he’s gonna get the covid and never come back out.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2020 12:03 am
by Mr. Big
Oh shit. Fingers crossed, Madeline

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2020 2:19 am
by Madeline
Mr. Big wrote:
Tue Jul 07, 2020 12:03 am
Oh shit. Fingers crossed, Madeline
Thank you, friend :flutterunsmith:

It really does seem to have been a bog standard allergy attack because an EpiPen, oxygen, and an IV took the swelling and rash down after about 90 minutes. They tested for covid and it was negative, but he’ll have to take another test in a couple of days. But from the tests, it really does look like he has a sinus infection and that his doctor prescribed him the wrong thing because he’d never had a problem with penicillin before.

Seeing someone’s tongue swell up so much that it doesn’t fit in their mouth is scary as fuck. Anyway, he’s got some EpiPens and diphenhydramine and that should be enough if he has another attack (which hopefully he will not, because if I get my way, that shit is going to the pharmacy to be disposed of properly).

I’m absolutely exhausted. Today I had to email my psych and have my dosages adjusted so tapering off clonazepam would be easier, then go get those drugs while I was struggling with mood swings because I can’t use a pill cutter properly, then I tried to relax, and then this happened. 2020, man. What can you say? Everyone’s having a rough time.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2020 11:01 pm
by Madeline
Here is why I get grump at my pill cutting skills:

Image

I have 3 different pill cutters to use (my mom’s, my dad’s, and the one I picked up the other day). You can see how much got left in the cutter that I had to clean out, hopefully (it is not a great photo). It doesn’t seem to have been a problem because the withdrawal side effects are calming down from the beginning of the week, I just wish I could do a neater job. It always looks perfect until I pick up a half to take at night :v:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2020 12:56 pm
by Madeline
I can’t find any places where I’m comfortable posting online any more because I’m foo fucking annoying and juvenile to people, so I guess that’s that. permanent lurker mode activate

y’all were nice

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2020 1:25 pm
by Mr. Big
But you're not annoying, and you're one of the more mature people I ever encountered online. Even if your interests are considered juvenile, so what?

If you need to take a break, that's perfectly acceptable. But remember that we like you around here\
:hug:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2020 2:02 pm
by Madeline
Because everywhere I go, I annoy people, or they think I’m acting out for attention, or they get pissed off at me, or I get pissed off at them and act like a total shit. I’m the only common factor in any of these interactions, so the problem is with me. The harder I try to be a good and mature person, the worse it gets, so I’m obviously failing.

I just alienate people whom I would prefer to have as friends by yelling at them or saying something dumb or completely inadequate or inappropriate to the situation. It’s always been like this, ever since I was a kid. This is probably the longest I’ve been around a community because I usually just piss everyone off within a month or two and give up.

I need serious help and I’m having trouble getting it and nothing’s going to change while this fucking pandemic is on and society continues to crumble because of the greedy assholes on top who are gleefully wrecking everything and taking all the loot. Why did I think I could handle a relationship when random posts from people I don’t even know make me cry?

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2020 2:24 pm
by diribigal
Madeline wrote:
Wed Aug 26, 2020 2:02 pm
Why did I think I could handle a relationship when random posts from people I don’t even know make me cry?
This isn't RUSP so I'm just going to point out these two things have nothing to do with each other. By definition, your relationships with strangers are going to be very different than your relationship with a partner.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2020 3:57 pm
by Fizzbuzz
This stood out to me:
Madeline wrote:
Wed Aug 26, 2020 2:02 pm
Because everywhere I go, I annoy people, or they think I’m acting out for attention, or they get pissed off at me, or I get pissed off at them and act like a total shit. I’m the only common factor in any of these interactions, so the problem is with me.
That's true. You are the only common factor in them. But are you correct in identifying all these situations as problems? Even though you've been in all of them, you've not been on every side of each of them. Are you absolutely certain that others are annoyed or upset with you?

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Mon Sep 28, 2020 5:18 pm
by Madeline
well, this is the second time I’ve hurt someone by telling them I didn’t love them anymore, and tanked a friendship in the process. :fluttersmith: so I don’t know, but I do know that constantly trying to pretend that I was okay to the point of lying about it is a big factor. but I didn’t want to talk about my trauma or past any more. and after I did, I felt so exposed that I had a breakdown (see rusp).

so it’s been me at fault at least twice. and I shouldn’t be talking about it because I’m afraid it’s wrong and hurtful, but I also have no one else to talk to right now. fuck.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Tue Sep 29, 2020 10:22 pm
by Princess Flufflebutt
If you're talking about me, then no, you didn't tank the friendship. If it isn't, feel free to disregard this post. And don't blame yourself so much. It's not like I didn't have a hand in this mess too.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2020 2:56 pm
by Madeline
Princess Flufflebutt wrote:
Tue Sep 29, 2020 10:22 pm
If you're talking about me, then no, you didn't tank the friendship. If it isn't, feel free to disregard this post. And don't blame yourself so much. It's not like I didn't have a hand in this mess too.
I’m sorry. but yeah, it was you. :fluttersmith:

idk, I feel like I’ve fucked up everywhere I’ve gone this week. I’m really feeling how bad I am at socializing or relating to other people without being able to fake my way through it with bad jokes or small talk. other people have gotten irritated with me a few times now.

sick of this. wish my heart would just hurry up and fail already.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2020 4:09 pm
by Princess Flufflebutt
I'd rather your heart not fail. Fwiw, you need to try really hard to ruin things with me. And you have not come even close to that.

Also socializing is fucking hard. I don't blame you for struggling with it.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2020 4:46 pm
by Madeline
I don’t know, I just feel like I’m radioactive and disgusting because of the things I went through as a child and it broke me to the point where people find me actively repulsive or obnoxious.

it’s weird that people always say I push people away, when I always feel like I’m being pushed away, and am not brave enough to say anything.

edit: not counting what happened between me and PF because that should stay private and was nobody’s specific fault really.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2020 1:40 pm
by Madeline
Everything is still on fire. As in, literally on fire. Been watching it come closer and closer for a few weeks now. The summer heat never broke until a couple of days ago, but that came with high winds that spread everything anyway, and we’re in a bad drought.

Having to go to a shelter during covid, in a place where a sizable number of people refuse to wear masks or socially distance or take any precautions at all, is a frightening idea and now a remote possibility because it’s getting closer

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2020 5:07 pm
by Princess Flufflebutt
God, that is scary. Stay safe!

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2020 5:54 pm
by Mr. Big
Oh gosh! Yeah, stay safe, Madeline!

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Sun Jan 17, 2021 8:12 am
by diribigal
Ugh I made a mistake which resulted in my partner being the most upset at me in months, possibly the entire past year,. And I'm nauseous and tired and don't feel like collecting myself to get back into a normally-fun weekend event that happens only once a year.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Wed Mar 31, 2021 4:16 pm
by Madeline
One of my cousins just died. She was about 5 years older than me, and the chemo she got for her bone cancer was so strong that it gave her a tumor in her esophagus. Then she got pneumonia on top of that.

Not even 50, had a family, and is now gone. Also the third person in my family to deal with some form of bone cancer in the last 15 years.

Fuck this shit.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Wed Mar 31, 2021 4:27 pm
by Snowfire
Madeline wrote:
Wed Mar 31, 2021 4:16 pm
One of my cousins just died. She was about 5 years older than me, and the chemo she got for her bone cancer was so strong that it gave her a tumor in her esophagus. Then she got pneumonia on top of that.

Not even 50, had a family, and is now gone. Also the third person in my family to deal with some form of bone cancer in the last 15 years.

Fuck this shit.
Fuck cancer.

I'm sorry Madeline. :fluttersmith:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Sat Jul 17, 2021 10:28 am
by Smoke
Kind of in a shitty situation lately. A week and a half ago our groundwater pump suddenly stopped working. As we're not hooked up to any water supply this also means no water, no showers, no dishwasher, no washing machine. We got people working on it but the pump was 40 meters deep in the ground requiring a crane to lift it out. It's out now and under investigation to see if it can be repaired or has to be replaced, hopefully we'll know more at the start of next week.

Today we also took our cat Sheba to the vet. She's two years old and already had a rough start in life, but she recently lost weight, pretty much stopped eating and started having eye/vision issues. According to the vet she managed to get a parasitic infection from a tick (despite us making sure she's treated with anti-flea and tick stuff) and she'll be staying at the vet for a few days to see if they can help her via antibiotics and get her back up to strength. We were already informed that there is a chance she might not make it.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2021 2:06 pm
by Smoke
Kitty update: She has lost vision in both eyes due to retinal detachment, but she's slowly doing better and her appetite is recovering.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2021 2:41 pm
by Smoke
Sheba seemed to be doing better but today she just collapsed. She didn't get up anymore, was not interested in eating or drinking and slowly faded away. We put her on the sofa on the fleece blanket she had since she was a kitten and she peacefully passed away while we kept watch and petted her. She's now buried in that blanket.

Image

2 years and 3 months. And cuddly and soft as a kitten until the very end.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2021 2:55 pm
by Octavia
So sorry to hear about your kitty. :fluttersmith:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2021 6:50 pm
by Snowfire
I'm sorry for your loss Smoke. :cry:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2021 7:41 pm
by Princess Flufflebutt
Oh no! That's awful... I'm so sorry.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2021 12:48 pm
by Mechanical Ape
I’m so sorry. I’m glad her life was spent with loving humans like you.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Tue Aug 10, 2021 10:35 pm
by Mechanical Ape
On Sunday, I passed out after having a blood test.

As the nurse was finishing the test and telling me I could leave, I started to feel flushed and sweaty. I remember standing up, taking a few uneasy steps. The next thing I remember is waking up on the floor, the nurses looking down at me and asking me how I feel, do I remember my name and birth date, etc.

At the age of 50 I got to take my very first ambulance ride. The paramedics hooked me up to an IV during the ride to the hospital, and that helped me feel better; it quickly got my pulse and blood pressure back to normal. They handed me my phone so I could call my folks; I started the conversation with "you'll never guess where I'm calling you from".

They kept me in a room in the ER for about 4 hours until they'd done enough tests to confirm I was fine. They say this sort of thing is not uncommon; fasting, dehydration, heat and the stress of blood tests can sometimes trigger a nerve response that leads to passing out. All my vitals looked fine, and they let me go. My parents drove me back to pick up my car.

Everyone from the nurses to the doctors to the paramedics was really great. I didn't hit my head when I fell but I skinned my knee a bit. For an unscheduled afternoon in the ER, I guess it went as well as anyone could hope for.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Sat Dec 18, 2021 11:27 am
by Call of Duty Ghosts
You might remember that I had an abusive dad growing up. Thankfully a few years ago the rest of us moved out and now live without him. A year or two ago, my godfather Shasta moved in with us due to financial hardship (caused by his then-girlfriend losing her grip on reality and spending all their money on flowers). Shasta has always treated me incredibly well, and has helped me improve both my health and hygiene quite a lot. He's always been way more understanding of my neurodivergences than my dad ever was, and actually explains things when I don't understand rather than berating me. Unfortunately, he is currently dying of an abscessed tooth, and the state of Georgia lied to him about his Medicaid status. Mom set up a GoFundMe to raise money for the dental surgery itself, transportation to the surgery (our car broke down near the beginning of the year and we do not have the money to fix it), and prescriptions. I figured I'd post it here, since Mom doesn't really have any social media presence or anything. I know ya'll don't have much money either, but Ponygoons are the only community I'm part of in a real sense.

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2022 8:42 am
by Snowfire
So uh... My Crohn's has finally started to affect my eyes. I officially need reading/driving at night glasses.

And somehow the vision insurance I've been paying for since June was never activated so I can't even start the order for my glasses yet...