Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
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- Sailor Yue
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Welp eventually had bad things. There's a mysterious charge off $159 and I had to report my card stolen. Now I have no access to money except PayPal so...yay.
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- Bigdog
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
It's not a bad thing to be frugal, of course, but it sounds like you're not spending money even when you need to?Yuudachi wrote: ↑Sun Nov 24, 2019 3:58 pmI need some serious deprogramming -- For many years I've been an extreme penny-pincher because I was always with the idea of "what if need this money for my mom" and that time came and went in a heartbeat -- and yet I still cannot buy a pack of silicone sponges for dishwashing for 10 dollars or a pet hair removal roller for 25 dollars because my brain is still "save money save money save money".
It's like that part of my brain doesn't want to let go. It had a pattern, a purpose, and now it's been stripped away...
- Yuudachi
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
I've always had problems convincing myself I need to spend money when it's something that costs more than 20 dollars... and spending 10 dollars on sponges sounds... well... like you can get cheaper regular sponges for the dishes, but these sponges are supposed to last months
My brain is just stupid...
My brain is just stupid...
SOLOMON!! I have returned!!!
- Bigdog
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Yeah, our brains are butts sometimes, I know how it is.Yuudachi wrote: ↑Tue Nov 26, 2019 6:56 amI've always had problems convincing myself I need to spend money when it's something that costs more than 20 dollars... and spending 10 dollars on sponges sounds... well... like you can get cheaper regular sponges for the dishes, but these sponges are supposed to last months
My brain is just stupid...
I don't have any better advice than to keep reinforcing the 'right' decisions with self-talk and reasoning. I know as well as anyone that intrusive thoughts can be a heck of a thing, and it may be effectively impossible in the short term to beat them down completely, but hopefully you can bring them under control somewhat.
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Madeline
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
I think I’m coming down with something nasty. I had a sore throat and a cough all weekend, and now it’s been joined by a nasty headache and throwing up. Had a flu shot a couple of months ago, but I suppose this could be a different strain or a different bug.
I wish I could get some sleep
I wish I could get some sleep
- Mechanical Ape
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
I don’t know what to do or even why I’m sharing this. My mother, 79, is having memory problems and they’ve been getting worse over the last few months. Last night she forgot I was her son and we sat around the kitchen table and assured her that I am one of her children. She knew she loved me very much, but she didn’t have any memories of me as her son. She now wants to be tested — she had brushed it off before — and go through any therapy the doctor may recommend.
We helped her get to bed. When I go over there today, I don’t know what I’ll find: maybe a good night’s sleep will have brought my mom back, maybe she’ll still be the same?
This is a signal of something that’s all too big for me. It’s like I can already see the future, and it’s full of pain and grief and heartache. I don’t know how to help; I don’t know how to help my dad; I don’t know what my roles and responsibilities are going to be from here on out and if I’ll be able to do them well. I’ll be talking to my therapists, to friends, to relatives, and I’ll try to make myself as available as possible. But it feels like the universe is sending a signal: this is where it starts, past this point nothing will ever be good again.
What’s the point of anything? Why do we make connections when it seems they all end in pain and grief?
We helped her get to bed. When I go over there today, I don’t know what I’ll find: maybe a good night’s sleep will have brought my mom back, maybe she’ll still be the same?
This is a signal of something that’s all too big for me. It’s like I can already see the future, and it’s full of pain and grief and heartache. I don’t know how to help; I don’t know how to help my dad; I don’t know what my roles and responsibilities are going to be from here on out and if I’ll be able to do them well. I’ll be talking to my therapists, to friends, to relatives, and I’ll try to make myself as available as possible. But it feels like the universe is sending a signal: this is where it starts, past this point nothing will ever be good again.
What’s the point of anything? Why do we make connections when it seems they all end in pain and grief?
- Octavia
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
I'm so sorry. My grandfather had Alzheimer's that got progressively worse for the last 3 years of his life. It's extremely difficult to deal with, but there is a lot of support out there if you want it.
- Sailor Yue
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
I hate having a shit gall bladder. Everything uses cornstarch, and I cannot digest it. It acts as a laxative and I'm pretty much koed for the next 5 hours
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- Yuudachi
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
I found a pile of half finished anti-depressants secretly stashed in my mom’s old room — Depression had a lot to do with how fast the disease progressed, or at least how she handled it and now I’m full of conflicting emotions, including anger — but at the same time, is it even worth it to get angry with someone that passed away already because of how they decided to face the last weeks of their life?
SOLOMON!! I have returned!!!
- Snowfire
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
I'm out of surgery. It's uh.... (Gross surgery pic)
Doctor said it'll get way better after a couple of weeks, but yeah.
Name: Tammy
- Perrydotto
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Wishing you the speediest of recoveries, Snowfire.
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- Octavia
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
My dad has been having a lot of nerve issues, which we all thought were lingering side-effects going back to when he was on chemotherapy for a year. He saw a doctor today who thinks that it's actually the initial stages of ALS. He has another appointment in a few weeks where we'll get more information. If the ALS diagnosis is confirmed, I can probably only expect another 3 years of having him around.
- Mechanical Ape
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
I'm so sorry, Octavia. I hope the news turns out better than that.
- Perrydotto
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Rooting for you and your family a lot, Octavia.
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- Mr. Big
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Remember how I was with a girl briefly? She's been messaging me, and she's coming off as desperate, even though I said I wasn't interested.
I might need to block her. Like, she's just giving off a red flag that she's controlling and I should stay away before it goes worse.
I might need to block her. Like, she's just giving off a red flag that she's controlling and I should stay away before it goes worse.
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Sucks that she's not respecting your boundaries. Sadly, that kinda thing can happen (though it's obviously far from a guarantee, you were just unlucky really) - Make sure you are okay and do what you gotta to defend your boundaries. No shame in telling her to stop and blocking her.
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- Mr. Big
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Ended up blocking her. Too many red flags that she can be controlling. Better to nip the bud early on.
- Octavia
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Bad news. The specialist agrees with the ALS diagnosis. My dad's gene test analysis is not complete, which is required for knowing which type a treatment would work best for him. And because most of the treatment options for him are deemed "experimental", then it's up in the air as to whether or not insurance or Medicare will cover them. The gene test alone was already $1,000 out of pocket for him.Octavia wrote: ↑Mon Jan 13, 2020 6:48 pmMy dad has been having a lot of nerve issues, which we all thought were lingering side-effects going back to when he was on chemotherapy for a year. He saw a doctor today who thinks that it's actually the initial stages of ALS. He has another appointment in a few weeks where we'll get more information. If the ALS diagnosis is confirmed, I can probably only expect another 3 years of having him around.
- Mechanical Ape
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
I'm so sorry, Octavia.
- The Ghost of Ember
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
I've been diagnosed with RCVS, which means my blood vessels in my brain are restricting for some reason. Mostly likely I'll recover with little to some brain damage, but there's a small percent chance I'll have a series of mini-strokes and die!
Awesome!
- Princess Flufflebutt
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Oh shit. That does indeed suck. Here's hoping you recover. I'm rooting for you.
- Fizzbuzz
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Yeah. I read about it and it looks like the condition normally lasts only a few weeks at most, so I hope it at least runs its course quickly and without lasting effects.
- The Ghost of Ember
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Prognosis is generally good, I am just really scared right now as I have very stroke-like symptoms every once and a while
- Mr. Big
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
There's an outside cat we've been taking care of, a nice fluffy boi. The past few weeks he's become very sick so we went to numerous vet trips. The vet said it's because of kidney failure and recommended putting him to sleep
Fuck
Fuck
- Sailor Yue
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Well bad luck was bound to happen. I've gone LAX on being vigil. At least we were only scammed out of $400 not anything more. Gonna be tricky paying upcoming bills, but now that my art is getting much better maybe I can actually do commissions... If someone would pay $10-20 for a dry erase markers drawing
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- Bigdog
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Everything seems bad. I'm losing friends and connections. I went to a vigil tonight in support of immigrants and refugees and, while it made me feel a little bit better to affirm something like that and to hear a message of hope from my pastor, it still didn't take away the dark cloud of anger, frustration, and pain in my mind.
- Fizzbuzz
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
What feels like the biggest source of stress for you right now? Something within yourself, something regarding another person (or multiple people), or something so big that it might as well be the world at large?
- Bigdog
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
national politics, obv
the reactions of certain people to national politics which is making me realize they weren't as good allies as I thought they were
the reactions of certain people to national politics which is making me realize they weren't as good allies as I thought they were
- ToastGhost
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
I've been misdiagnosed mainly by a shit doctor for the past 5-6 years and got the "Acute Depression" diagnosis this week which I feel is much more fitting.
F-
F-
- Bigdog
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Well you're acute something, that's for sure!ToastGhost wrote: ↑Mon Feb 24, 2020 11:54 amI've been misdiagnosed mainly by a shit doctor for the past 5-6 years and got the "Acute Depression" diagnosis this week which I feel is much more fitting.
F-
- Ragnar
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Rediscovered Nina Paley's work in Sita Sings the Blues and now Seder Masochism, the latter of which I've watched twice today, some of the songs several times. They're really good movies!
Then I found Paley's twitter. She's a terf, and super active about it. What the fuck, Paley, I thought you were cool. I think I was actually starting to look up to her.
It's ridiculous that this bothers me this much. There are plenty of really brilliant artists out there who aren't bullies. I'd need to find some tomorrow, so I can feel better about this.
Then I found Paley's twitter. She's a terf, and super active about it. What the fuck, Paley, I thought you were cool. I think I was actually starting to look up to her.
It's ridiculous that this bothers me this much. There are plenty of really brilliant artists out there who aren't bullies. I'd need to find some tomorrow, so I can feel better about this.
Gloriosa Did Nothing Wrong
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Buggering hell, my newish phone dropped onto a tile floor and now the glass is severely cracked. And I forgot to get it insured.
The first bloody time I forget to do so, something like this happens.
The first bloody time I forget to do so, something like this happens.
New signature pending.
- Sailor Yue
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
See if there's a phone repair shop nearby? Cellaris, ubreakifix...
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Stuff's most likely closed here in the Netherlands due to COVID-19 concerns, sadly. My provider does have a service that picks up the phone to fix it, though.
Unrelated, my body's been protesting a lot this week. For a few nights I've been getting severe pains in my body and tonight, it started in my back, flared out through my ribs, then went deep into my torso.
I did go to the emergency services on the first night it happened, but it took so long with the taxi, it was over by the time I got there and they didn't find anything. And due to COVID-19, there are very few taxis available, if any.
Unrelated, my body's been protesting a lot this week. For a few nights I've been getting severe pains in my body and tonight, it started in my back, flared out through my ribs, then went deep into my torso.
I did go to the emergency services on the first night it happened, but it took so long with the taxi, it was over by the time I got there and they didn't find anything. And due to COVID-19, there are very few taxis available, if any.
New signature pending.
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Angry Critter
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
I try so hard every damn day but my whole life it felt like nothing I do matters and no matter what I'll always end up getting more and more screwed over. I'm so so tired...
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Madeline
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Doubt anyone’s going to read this or care because I’m so abrasive lately, but my life has also pretty much completely fallen apart right in line with the world also being on fire. My laptop broke again, my phone is dying, I can’t get my parents to understand that voting for people they often disagree with makes them complicit when shit happens that upsets them like police brutality or climate change or, you know, their daughter having no civil rights protections for health care. They just spout off “both sides do it, they’re all the same,” etc. Nobody takes COVID-19 seriously in my neighborhood anymore so I literally can’t go outside and it’s driving me mad with horrible intrusive thoughts and despair. They’re literally having house parties on my road. I’ve got multiple risk factors because of hypertension and my shitty heart and lungs. When I have to go out, I’m having a panic attack the entire time and can’t come off it for hours.
If I have a cause to stand behind, I’m angry, I’m fired up, and I can accomplish things. After that energy passes I just fall apart. The last 4 years have just destroyed me. I don’t know if I trust anybody anymore because who knows what a person is really like inside? I feel like I’m going to get backstabbed or abandoned or the person is going to be a huge creep, all things that have happened to me with internet people I knew over the last year. I can’t see my psychiatrist or a therapist because my fucking insurance disputes every charge now except for meds, then claims it’s on me to fix it if it was billed wrong. Which I have been doing for nearly three solid months now, and, because I hate using the phone, I’m probably hurting myself more than helping because I can’t even speak coherently on there any more because I’m shaking. I’m probably addicted to the clonazepam because I have to take it every day just to make the anxiety less bad, otherwise I can’t even get out of bed.
I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do to help, or even anything that would make me feel better for more than five minutes. It doesn’t matter that I’m not ripping myself apart when every day feels like the end of the world.
If I have a cause to stand behind, I’m angry, I’m fired up, and I can accomplish things. After that energy passes I just fall apart. The last 4 years have just destroyed me. I don’t know if I trust anybody anymore because who knows what a person is really like inside? I feel like I’m going to get backstabbed or abandoned or the person is going to be a huge creep, all things that have happened to me with internet people I knew over the last year. I can’t see my psychiatrist or a therapist because my fucking insurance disputes every charge now except for meds, then claims it’s on me to fix it if it was billed wrong. Which I have been doing for nearly three solid months now, and, because I hate using the phone, I’m probably hurting myself more than helping because I can’t even speak coherently on there any more because I’m shaking. I’m probably addicted to the clonazepam because I have to take it every day just to make the anxiety less bad, otherwise I can’t even get out of bed.
I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do to help, or even anything that would make me feel better for more than five minutes. It doesn’t matter that I’m not ripping myself apart when every day feels like the end of the world.
- diribigal
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
You don't deserve what the world is throwing at you right now, but that doesn't mean no one cares.
For the insurance (and other phone calls?) I wonder if there is someone you know or a support group you can patch through to handle the bulk of the phone call.
For the clonazepam, you may already have done this, but please make sure you know the risks/read about how tapering off is done properly because the consequences of not doing so are both serious and long-term.
For the insurance (and other phone calls?) I wonder if there is someone you know or a support group you can patch through to handle the bulk of the phone call.
For the clonazepam, you may already have done this, but please make sure you know the risks/read about how tapering off is done properly because the consequences of not doing so are both serious and long-term.
Very math.
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Madeline
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
My mom’s going to handle the phone calls, at least, if she ever gets around to mailing the consent form back to the insurance company. She can’t understand why I feel a sense of urgency about it. This is another reason I don’t like to talk to my parents: they tell me I need to communicate better, then ignore what I say or only selectively hear what they want to hear. Can’t go to shelters even if I dared, because I’m pre-op, but I don’t dare, because of the virus.
Even doing activism never really helped my mental state, because at the end of the day, I still have to go home to a neighborhood and city which is like 90% MAGA people. The more out I get, the nastier people are. And I know there’s nothing anyone can really do to help right now, so I’m coping very poorly with everything. It doesn’t help that 90% of my preferred coping mechanisms involved being outside by myself, since now the neighborhood kids are home all the time and I don’t dare go outside and expose someone else or get exposed.
I’m sorry, I know people can’t help. I’m trying really hard not to be a toxic person any more but I think most people have given up on me after I repeatedly leave, come back, swear at them/delete posts, etc. I’m afraid to even log in and look at my notifications and I kinda wish they weren’t there. I wish I could just wake up and the last 20 years never happened and I could make better choices and try harder to keep the world at least a little bit better than it is right now.
Even doing activism never really helped my mental state, because at the end of the day, I still have to go home to a neighborhood and city which is like 90% MAGA people. The more out I get, the nastier people are. And I know there’s nothing anyone can really do to help right now, so I’m coping very poorly with everything. It doesn’t help that 90% of my preferred coping mechanisms involved being outside by myself, since now the neighborhood kids are home all the time and I don’t dare go outside and expose someone else or get exposed.
I’m sorry, I know people can’t help. I’m trying really hard not to be a toxic person any more but I think most people have given up on me after I repeatedly leave, come back, swear at them/delete posts, etc. I’m afraid to even log in and look at my notifications and I kinda wish they weren’t there. I wish I could just wake up and the last 20 years never happened and I could make better choices and try harder to keep the world at least a little bit better than it is right now.
- diribigal
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
This sounded a bit odd to me. There are exceptions, but generally what we would normally call activism, especially sustained activism, has negative impacts on mental health. This is well studied/documented.
A rephrasing might be that traditional activism takes "mental energy". A different take/phrasing I've heard from activists/supporters of activists is that taking care of your mental health rather than doing traditional activism all the time is a form/part of activism, especially when you are a member of marginalized groups.
This is still a fine place to vent/be heard, so no need to apologize.I’m sorry, I know people can’t help.
The world is not your responsibility. Not alone, anyway.try harder to keep the world at least a little bit better than it is right now.
Very math.
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Madeline
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Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened
Those are all good points. I’m going to keep them in mind and write them down on paper because that helps me remember things better.
I’m sorry that it’s taken so long to reply. I had a long conversation with my family in which I tried as nonconfrontationally as possible to lay out how I felt when they would say or do certain things, just to help set some boundaries. To my surprise and relief it went pretty well. They genuinely had no idea that I was uncomfortable because I tend to be very aloof and quiet and kind of trying to read the emotions in the room before I respond to anyone. That’s something I hope to work on once I get back into therapy, and in the meantime I’m still doing exercises from my DBT workbook. I know this is kind of more of RUSP territory, but DBT has really been invaluable to me and has helped me a lot over the past year and a half, even when I don’t have am experienced person to lead me through it.
Re: activism, you’re right. What I said doesn’t make much sense to me now any more, either. I guess I was thinking that getting angry at least gave me more energy to go out and do something and feel that my life has a purpose instead of feeling helpless, but no, you’re right, once that initial kneejerk reaction passes I do feel really drained and unhappy.
Anyway, some good news, we’ve mailed in the form and enough of the insurance bullshit has been straightened out that I’ve got some coverage again as of July 1st. I spent a lot of time writing emails to see who was taking clients, and weeding, and cooking, so I’m pretty tuckered out.
Thank you for helping and being patient with me when I’m not making sense or being wrong, diribigal. You’re a good friend.
I’m sorry that it’s taken so long to reply. I had a long conversation with my family in which I tried as nonconfrontationally as possible to lay out how I felt when they would say or do certain things, just to help set some boundaries. To my surprise and relief it went pretty well. They genuinely had no idea that I was uncomfortable because I tend to be very aloof and quiet and kind of trying to read the emotions in the room before I respond to anyone. That’s something I hope to work on once I get back into therapy, and in the meantime I’m still doing exercises from my DBT workbook. I know this is kind of more of RUSP territory, but DBT has really been invaluable to me and has helped me a lot over the past year and a half, even when I don’t have am experienced person to lead me through it.
Re: activism, you’re right. What I said doesn’t make much sense to me now any more, either. I guess I was thinking that getting angry at least gave me more energy to go out and do something and feel that my life has a purpose instead of feeling helpless, but no, you’re right, once that initial kneejerk reaction passes I do feel really drained and unhappy.
Anyway, some good news, we’ve mailed in the form and enough of the insurance bullshit has been straightened out that I’ve got some coverage again as of July 1st. I spent a lot of time writing emails to see who was taking clients, and weeding, and cooking, so I’m pretty tuckered out.
Thank you for helping and being patient with me when I’m not making sense or being wrong, diribigal. You’re a good friend.