Horse Laughs
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- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Why shouldn't you kiss anyone on January 1st?
Because it's only the first date.
Because it's only the first date.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I can’t believe the nerve of my neighbor knocking on my door at 3AM.
Fortunately I was up playing the drums.
Fortunately I was up playing the drums.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk...I'm in whey over my head.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I've been breeding racing deer...just trying to make a quick buck.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I used to run a dating service for chickens...but I was struggling to make hens meet.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What do you call a vegan pirate?
A squash-buckler!
A squash-buckler!
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
How does a ghost plan his day?
He makes a to-boo list.
He makes a to-boo list.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What do you call a teetotaling maid?
A dry cleaner.
A dry cleaner.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What did the cake say when it was fighting another cake?
"You want a piece of me?"
"You want a piece of me?"
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I have a fear of speed bumps...but, I am slowly getting over it.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What do you call an uncool beet?
A square root.
A square root.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I wrote a joke about a straw...but it sucks.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What noise does a quantum duck make?
Quark.
Quark.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
How can four people go out with only one umbrella and not get wet?
It isn’t raining.
It isn’t raining.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Two silk worms were in a wrestling match...It ended in a tie.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
When I met the Rock, he seemed quite shy.
I expected him to be a little bolder.
I expected him to be a little bolder.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I just recently had to switch my gambling habit to off-track betting...I kept getting trampled by the horses.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What did the wholesome beet farmer say to his friend?
I am rooting for you!
I am rooting for you!
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I used to hate chiropractors until I went to see one for my back...now I stand corrected.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What do you get when you eat a gallon of ice cream?
Breyers remorse.
Breyers remorse.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What's the British sea monster's favorite food?
Fish and ships.
Fish and ships.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Why wouldn't the sesame seed leave the casino?
Because he was on a roll.
Because he was on a roll.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Two corns in a field were telling each other corny jokes.
They were the laughing stalk of the field.
They were the laughing stalk of the field.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Why did the M&M go to school?
It wanted to be a Smartie.
It wanted to be a Smartie.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Astronomers got tired watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours.
They decided to call it a day.
They decided to call it a day.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Not to brag, but I made six figures this year...they named me the worst employee at the toy factory.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Did you hear about the man who got hit by a milk truck?
He got creamed.
He got creamed.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What do you call competitors of McDonald's?
Arch enemies.
Arch enemies.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What did the brain say to the brain stem?
You’ve got a lot of nerve coming in here.
You’ve got a lot of nerve coming in here.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- everything's a little bit weird now
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Re: Horse Laughs
Sherlock Holmes came home one day carrying a box of lemons.
"Where did those come from?" Watson asked.
Holmes replied: "A lemon tree, my dear Watson."
"Where did those come from?" Watson asked.
Holmes replied: "A lemon tree, my dear Watson."
Every jumbled pile of person has a thinking part that wonders what the part that isn't thinking isn't thinking of...
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
The hotel I stayed in recently tried to charge me $10 for using the A/C.
That wasn’t cool.
That wasn’t cool.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- everything's a little bit weird now
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Re: Horse Laughs
To whoever stole my antidepressants... I hope you're happy.
Every jumbled pile of person has a thinking part that wonders what the part that isn't thinking isn't thinking of...
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What does both a cannon and canon have in common?
They can both kill ships.
They can both kill ships.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I got an email offering the secret to reading maps backwards...it was spam.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What was the snowman doing in the vegetable patch?
Picking his nose.
Picking his nose.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What's a 1960's author's favourite type of alcohol?
Tequila Mocking Bird.
Tequila Mocking Bird.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
How do bees let guests into their apartment building?
They *buzz* them in.
They *buzz* them in.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What did the broom say when they were ready for bed?
I'm sweepy!
I'm sweepy!
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What happens to rainbows that break the law?
They go through the prism system.
They go through the prism system.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")