PYF fimfiction: describe a female you know as “basically an african elephant in terms of size”

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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Logicgate (?) » Tue Jun 26, 2018 8:24 am

Okay, but

the bible with horse puns and every character given a pony-esque names

Roans Chapter 12: 17-21 perhaps

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only foal

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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Highbrow Dash (?) » Tue Jun 26, 2018 10:20 am

Isaiah 37:29
Because thy rage against me, and thy tumult, is come up into mine ears, therefore will I put my hook in thy nose, and my bridle in thy lips, and I will turn thee back by the way by which thou camest. :pcstare:

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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Tue Oct 02, 2018 3:12 pm

Fortunately for Caramel he could take a beating. He struggled to his hooves, and limped out of the house. Unfortunately for Octavia and Vinyl, Caramel was good at lying, and he was good at law.
For some reason this sentence made me laugh a lot
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Dal (?) » Fri Feb 08, 2019 4:02 am

When over 6800 humans in 12 teams play paintball using restored and/or recreated weapons of war for the entertainment of the masses find their way into Equestria with their equipment. chaos shall ensue
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Fri Feb 08, 2019 12:24 pm

:excellent: chaos shall ensue
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Fri Feb 08, 2019 1:31 pm

Is this supposed to be the kid-friendly version of that one story about a massive United States Marine Corps unit getting sent back in time to the days of the Roman Empire?
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Mon Mar 11, 2019 1:00 pm

"Wow, sure is-a peaceful today, huh, Mario?" Luigi asked.

"Yeah." Mario said with a nod.
Meanwhile, in the Enterprise, Captain Jean-Luc Picard was busy dealing with Q, when all of the sudden, the ground began to shake despite not being on the ground, and Q began to look around in fear as a purple vortex began opening up in the background. "No! No! No, no, no, no!" Q said as he looked at the vortex in panic.
Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle was busy reading her book.
The cover also has Steven Universe, Rick (of & Morty), and Sans Undertale.


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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Mon Mar 11, 2019 2:13 pm

It’s okay to use stereotypical Italian accents for the Mario brothers because they actually talk like that. They’re not truly Italian, they’re Marioese. A nation of two.
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Mon Mar 11, 2019 2:14 pm

“You know I hate it when you do that Jonathan.” I said as I looked in a nearby mirror and started fixing my hair I had red hair that I got from our mother and my eyes a light blue with a little green on the edges.
this is our hero, Dan, who is an actual anime going to an anime convention.

anime conventions are where weird merchants sell magical gemeralds.
”I was originally planning on giving this to someone else but I guess they aren't coming today.” He said as he put a red diamond on the counter.
the words "red diamond" are also a link to a picture of a red diamond. you can embed images in fimfiction if you really, really need to.
then he pulled out a sword and placed it beside the bag.

“This sword is 100 dolares it also come with the diamond if you want it.”
There is a link to the sword. This is the sword:

Image

I feel like I got this from a chest in diablo 3.
”Anything else you want?” He asked and I looked around he had a pearl

“I will take that pearl if you don't mind?” I asked and he handed me it and I gave him my remaining 50 dollars.
there's no link to the pearl, so unlike the blood diamond and the blood sword the pearl is not special at all.
I looked down and saw a hole opened up under me, everything was moving slowly now and all I could do was watch my brother try to reach me as he sprinted towards me.
The fool activated my trap card, Bottomless Trap Hole, oops, sorry.
Time felt endless in the void I could not tell how long I was in their seconds turn into minutes and minutes into hours as I floated in that black void devoid of light and my body felt like it could not move anymore “Why? Why did this happen to me.” I said to myself as I floated in the vast emptiness.
Bored in the void with my sword and gems, and surprisingly little anime from an anime convention, alack.

Then he falls into S1E2.
“You think you destroyed the elements of harmony? Well you’re wrong, because the spirits of the elements of harmony, are right here!” She said confidently and the fragments started to glow and she listed off what her friends did and the fragments glowed as they formed into necklaces, and a crown appeared on her head. They float into the air and a rainbow started to fly towards the black winged unicorn.
Except it fails, so the main character can save the day instead.
but I felt something inside me and it burst free as a red fiery beam lunged towards the mare, knocking her out.
“This is the perfect diamond for my dress! but I will need to get to work tomorrow.” [Rarity] said.

“What are you talking about I am not a dia..” She moved away and I faced a mirror revealing a red diamond, the same one I bought from the merchant. From then on I knew my life would never be the same.
sword and pearl are unaccounted for, though.

Also the image he uses for the main six has them as sexy anthro horse babes so
I went deep into thought and remembered that magic that attacked the black mare it was mine I was a diamond from steven universe.
I shot a laser, ergo I am a cartoon character.
Applejack POV

“Scram you varmints!” I yelled as I kicked a timber wolf and it collided into another one but they only reformed seconds later.
We can tell it's her because she's saying country things
as another lunged at me I closed my eyes and was ready for the end
We can tell it's her because she surrenders to death extremely quickly
I opened my eyes to see a giant mass of red firey magic and at the center a red diamond

[...]

“Hey that’s my diamond.” Rarity said as she pointed at the red diamond as it fled quickly into the forest.
:cry: goodbye, useful bling
I looked around and saw a lake, I headed in that direction and then knelt down to the water looking at my reflection. My hair was blood red and my skin was a bright red like a candy apple, my eyes still had the whites and the black yet the rest was blood red like my hair.
Dan really likes to look at himself huh.
I pulled out my sword and it also had a letter attached to it.
oh there's the sword, he just has it, and it has exposition attached.
you have two auras. Rage will increase your fire powers, your strength and your speed. The next one is passion [...] It can bring out one’s inner passion and also make them very horny towards you[.]
thanks exposition note, telling Dan that he has Action Scene Power and Sex Scene Power.
“How tall am I right now?” I asked.

“About 7 feet and 5, maybe 7 inches.” Celestia said.
well she is a ruler!!! [bacteria consume my flesh in an instant as karma]
I grew to carry the lumber I needed, the ponies were amazed by my sudden growth but they went back to what they were doing after a few minutes of watching me build
the ponies of ponyville immediately accepting that a giant red person is building a house is the most mlp-sounding thing in this story.
I change my clothes to a black jacket with a bright red shirt the and I had blue jeans and black boots and now my gem was hidden in my clothes
Light construct blue jeans is a new one to me.
“What?” I asked [red] pearl.

“Please use me however you want, I beg you.”
This is getting into some weird steven universe stuff because essentially our protagonist has created a servant and all the servant wants to do is fuck him
My clothes vanished revealing I had no dick

[Celestia] handed me the bag and I looked inside, there was one peridot, a few amethysts, a topaz, a lapis, a sapphire, and lastly a bismuth.
I wish that when I more or less arbitrarily appeared that the local authority handed me bags of jewels.

At this point it alternates between extremely boring or explicitly sexual, neither of which I post, so

welp!
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Mon Mar 11, 2019 2:19 pm

Please tell me it ends with Spike eating him


(contains: gems, vore)
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Mon Mar 11, 2019 2:49 pm

Mechanical Ape wrote:
Mon Mar 11, 2019 2:19 pm
Please tell me it ends with Spike eating him


(contains: gems, vore)
the story currently concludes with a lot of sex. An actual ending is forthcoming, but I have trouble seeing it as this story doesn't really seem to be going anywhere
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by ToastGhost (?) » Mon Mar 11, 2019 4:05 pm

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote:
Mon Mar 11, 2019 2:49 pm
the story currently concludes with a lot of sex. An actual ending is forthcoming, but I have trouble seeing it as this story doesn't really seem to be going anywhere
So does my fanfic but none of you are reading that. :rainbert:
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Vivianinatoga (?) » Mon Mar 11, 2019 4:12 pm

ToastGhost wrote:
Mon Mar 11, 2019 4:05 pm
So does my fanfic but none of you are reading that. :rainbert:
Nuh uh, I totally Cmd+F'ed my name read the whole thing!
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Mon Mar 11, 2019 4:28 pm

I read the part that mentioned me by name, which is how I read all works of literature and textbooks.
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Mon Mar 11, 2019 8:46 pm

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote:
Mon Mar 11, 2019 2:14 pm
well she is a ruler!!! [bacteria consume my flesh in an instant as karma]
Just want to say that I appreciated you making this joke.
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by SlateSlabrock (?) » Fri Mar 22, 2019 9:54 am

The horn of Star Tracker wrote:the family of Star Tracker has always been very exotic, even from himself, always traditionalists, that family "anecdotes" about beings from space and the rare magic horn, those crazy things could not guide anypony, that was just fantasy, right?
"This story is a sequel to Harmony Installation"
Harmony Installation wrote:Elián was sent eons before equestria, with forerunner technology, with the passage of time, he learned to control it and acepted with much work his destiny, as a new guardian of the mantle of responsibility, this story will have a focus on the struggle between your humanity, and your duty, he will help equestira?.

On Hiatus
(It's a Halo crossover.)

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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Dal (?) » Sun May 05, 2019 8:01 pm

Saw an ongoing 104k word Papers Please crossover fic in the hotness today. Tags: MLP: FiM, Sex, Gore, Narcotics, Violence, Death, Profanity, Romance, Dark, Comedy, Crossover, Human, Celestia, OC, Main 6, Anon.

Okay then... lets see what the fic is like. Oh the first chapter is titled "Papers Please Bitch", isn't that delightful. Well lets read the first chapter at least.

Anon is describing his walk in Manehatten and his duties at this massive wall ( :vomitpony: ) that has been built at the border. He then bumps into his Royal Guard buddy Spearhead.
“Hey Anon! Think we’ll get another hundred angry entrants?” He asks. Spearhead knows me too well to make a suggestion like that.

“Depends on what they try to pull,” I say. I stop as I realize something. “Also, aren’t you supposed to be recovering from the terrorist attack the other day?” I ask. He smirks.


:-I

Apparently this is a sequel? Oh well, that's enough for me! :nnngh:
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Sun May 05, 2019 8:23 pm

That's some Shakespearian shit right there
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Sun May 05, 2019 8:56 pm

I will never understand the weird fixation on "Anon" as a character in fan works. Like, it made sense when it originated as a way of addressing the askers of anonymous questions on tumblr, but just straight up evolving that into a codified self-insert in what's supposed to be an otherwise serious work weirds me out. Might as well just name them Mary Sue instead. It'll have the same amount of subtlety.

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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Dal (?) » Sun May 05, 2019 11:03 pm

Anon has become his own character. Basically he is an anthropomorphized 4chan.
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Undecided wrote:Every time you write a story I cant help but sigh, because I know Im gong to lose another man card.

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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Mon May 06, 2019 10:59 am

He (and it's always "he") is supposed to be the blankest self-insert possible, assuming you are a man. The character sort of came about thanks to Anonymous's old icon of a green man with a question mark for a face, wearing a black suit with a red tie. /mlp/ found it convenient to use him, particularly for their second-person "greentext" stories, and he kind of spread from there.

If you see a character named Femanon, that's the same thing except the self-insert is a woman.
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by SlateSlabrock (?) » Mon May 06, 2019 1:28 pm

Fizzbuzz wrote:
Mon May 06, 2019 10:59 am
If you see a character named Femanon, that's the same thing except the self-insert is a woman.
You won't see this because it's the easiest way to get the whole board mad at you for not having relatable main characters!

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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Dal (?) » Sat Jun 29, 2019 2:55 am

The seas of Gaia are filled with privateers and warmongering pirate lords. With the slow progress of naval advancement, these vile people have roamed free of judge. One stormy day that all changed. The sea summoned a judge, jury and executioner of justice. This judge is the soul of Admiral Hanz Ravenmark and his ship H-44 GERMANIA!
What is the H-44 you may ask? Why it's nazi 130k ton meth-fueled fever dream of a battle ship with 20 inch guns that never made it beyond the drawing board yet nazi fetishists jerk off to it all the same. :-I
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Undecided wrote:Every time you write a story I cant help but sigh, because I know Im gong to lose another man card.

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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 4:31 pm

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because when you see this
The princesses butts have become sentient and ask you on your opinion on which one has best butt.
your grave explodes and causes super castlevania 4
You opened the door to meet Princess Twilight Sparkle. She stood at about five ft tall, slightly bigger than most ponies you encountered, who were usually standing at about four ft tall.
We're apparently going to spend a lot of time on setting detai-
“Are you saying their asses have a mind of their own?”

“Yes, their butts have become sentient and need to know which one of them has best butt.”

“Okay, but what can I do?”
oh no we're jumping right in
On your left stood Princess Luna. The smallest of the two, she stood about 17.1 hands high, she was basically a shire horse.
sweet another measurement scale, can we get worse?
Princess Celestia stood on your right, who was basically an african elephant in terms of size, if not even bigger.
hell yeah we can get worse

then the second act rising tension hits:
“Oh no, my ass too has become sentient!” Twilight shouted.
then the third act rising tension hits:
You could only watch in horror as Luna grew upward in size to match Twilight’s size.
(what's the name of that tex avery cartoon where the critters keep drinking that growth potion to get bigger in order to maim the other better and end up the size of the planet I'm thinking like that)
Suddenly, there came a blinding flash of light. You turned to see Princess Cadence, who already assumed the size of an african elephant.
well known unit of measurement, african elephants.

this is one of the weirder fetishes I've encountered because expanding butts as scaled to african elephants is... quite novel.
“Hopefully this never happens again.” said Twilight
Anyway first candle has a whip upgrade bye
kelxir, in his fimfiction comment review of this fanfiction, says wrote:Honestly, with some of the jokers in politics right now I'm pretty sure Celestia and Luna's butts would do a better job than most.
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 4:36 pm

glad fimfiction is not completly dead
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;) ❤️ :twasnothin: ❤️ :fancyhat:

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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 4:44 pm

Hands are at least an actual unit used in measuring horses. One hand is equal to four inches and the part that's apparently a decimal is actually the number of inches left over (so if Luna got any bigger in that story, she'd go from 17.1 to 17.2, 17.3, then 18). Under this system a horse's height is typically measured at the withers, a spot right between the shoulder shoulder blades. A second-person story describing you meeting and talking to Twilight Sparkle might instead assume you are looking her in the eye and thus paying attention more to her head than her shoulders, so maybe that's why it uses feet in that section.
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 4:44 pm

and until it dies I will be here sucking its blood like a mosquito or perhaps a vampire bat to go with my previous post
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 4:59 pm

"Whoa, TWilight. Did ya need something from me?" Asks anon with a questioning look.

"Nothing too far fetched Anon. Just an experiment I wish to try out, but it's specifically one that needs a male specimen." Mentions Twilight with a big brain.
ofs tip: if you encounter a phrase like "mentions twilight with a big brain" theny ou dive in

i am wiriting this befforoe the rerst andeltltlting myfiguers melt allovooer the keybaord
Twilights experiments are quite fun most of the time. Like that one time, Anon grew an extra pair of hands. He had freaked at first but over time, he was glad to have a set of four hands, to help him with his day to day tasks.
the important question is where did the hands grow

also are they still there, will this play into the fuck
Twilight lets out a cry of happiness as she starts to lead Anon towards her tree home.


by the way, the experiment is rather mundane.
Yet, he still wonders, *why is Twilight trying this experiment? This is not an experiment, more like oral sex if anything.* He recognizes in his thoughts.
The four hands do NOT play into this, this is fucking bullshit if you establish a guy has Bonus Hands they better play into something or am turning off the vcr
Anon looks back at her in shock. * Does she like me?* But... I never thought she did. He starts to think back on any signs she must of given that have been a clear sign, that she did indeed like him this way.
I don't know I think there's one sign here bro maybe what she just did bro gosh four hands and no brain bro
Outside, there was one pony who had viewed the show from outside the window. "Well, at least they finally realized their feelings for each other. Took them long enough, hehe." Applejack laughs as she trots away back to her apple stand for the day.
Anyway Applejack is pretty awful horse, peeping like that.
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 5:14 pm

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote:
Tue Nov 12, 2019 4:59 pm
The four hands do NOT play into this, this is fucking bullshit if you establish a guy has Bonus Hands they better play into something or am turning off the vcr
Seems to me like that could just as easily be a "haha how wacky" detail. It's occurred to me in the past that, knowing what ponies are capable of, most such fanfiction could be just as easily read assuming they were humans or at least humanoids of some sort. It's largely unimportant unless you're especially interested in how magical cartoon horses accomplish tasks in their daily lives, but if you're that type then I would think you'd be interested in something more serious than FiM.

Or, well, there was that one long-form TF fic we read on the old forums where the generic human dudebro was turning into Rainbow Dash and it had an oddly large amount of detail about him dealing with anatomical changes from slowly becoming a horse.
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 5:15 pm

Protip: describe a female you know as “basically an african elephant in terms of size”
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 6:17 pm

my wife is basically bigger than an african elephant, real tall lady
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;) ❤️ :twasnothin: ❤️ :fancyhat:

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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:25 pm

DaikatunaRevengeance wrote:
Tue Nov 12, 2019 6:17 pm
my wife is basically bigger than an african elephant, real tall lady

same
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Re: PYF fimfiction: describe a female you know as “basically an african elephant in terms of size”

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:25 pm

Also anytime I see "Anon" in a fanfic I read it as "Anton" and it makes things more fun to imagine the author self-insert character with a thick russian accent
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Re: PYF fimfiction: describe a female you know as “basically an african elephant in terms of size”

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:29 pm

i like this idea
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;) ❤️ :twasnothin: ❤️ :fancyhat:

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Re: PYF fimfiction: describe a female you know as “basically an african elephant in terms of size”

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:29 pm

THIS PONY IS VERY LARGE. LIKE AFRICAN ELEPHANT.
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Re: PYF fimfiction: describe a female you know as “basically an african elephant in terms of size”

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:30 pm

gonna read the line's in heavy's voice
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;) ❤️ :twasnothin: ❤️ :fancyhat:

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Re: PYF fimfiction: describe a female you know as “basically an african elephant in terms of size”

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:31 pm

I AM GLAD TO HAVE SET OF FOUR HANDS. TO HELP WITH DAY TO DAY TASKS, HERE, IN STALLIONGRAD
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Madeline
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Re: PYF fimfiction: describe a female you know as “basically an african elephant in terms of size”

Post by Madeline (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 8:30 pm

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote:
Tue Nov 12, 2019 4:31 pm
(what's the name of that tex avery cartoon where the critters keep drinking that growth potion to get bigger in order to maim the other better and end up the size of the planet I'm thinking like that)
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Re: PYF fimfiction: some thugs have motorcycles

Post by SlateSlabrock (?) » Tue Nov 12, 2019 11:56 pm

Mechanical Ape wrote:
Tue Nov 12, 2019 5:15 pm
Protip: describe a female you know as “basically an african elephant in terms of size”
13,000 pounds and 11 feet tall, Google tells me.


The Ghost of Ember
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Re: PYF fimfiction: describe a female you know as “basically an african elephant in terms of size”

Post by The Ghost of Ember (?) » Wed Nov 13, 2019 12:07 am

hot
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RIP Syndrome wrote:
Tue Sep 17, 2019 4:56 pm
this universe is cursed

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